Date:  September 23, 2012
Name:  Nanette Buchanan
Title: Parenting 101

It seems no matter what product you buy, invest in, or bring home it comes with instructions. Most of us don't use them even when it comes to putting the product together. We simply look at what the package shows as the picture, listen to someone who has bought it, or have somewhat of an idea as to what it's supposed to look like and how it works.

Lately, I believe that's what we've done with our children as well. The majority of today's parents have no idea of how much time, commitment, and effort they will have to put in to make their child a complete, productive person in society. From conception and if their wise before they conceive, there's a need to understand there is no manual that will repair the damage of poor parenting. If your vehicle is faulty and you find a mistake from the manufacturer, there's a recall. If any product is not to your satisfaction after purchase, you can get a full refund or store credit. This does not happen with your children.....they are yours.

As parents we've got to understand that the model you create is what's displayed to the world and later becomes a part of society. Society is not obligated to look over their ill manners, lack of respect or lack of desire to achieve. Today's youth just exist; few of them strive to do better in school, are motivated to participate in anything that doesn't involve a computer screen, and in great numbers a lot of them are involved in criminal activity.

Parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual, but there are so many who have done a fantastic job. The grandparents, the teachers, the ministers, the mentors, the people who wholeheartedly have come to you with their concerns; no one wants to take over your position, no one wants to deny you the opportunity to be "Mom" or "Dad". Understand there's more to it than just giving the child what they want.

Children are manipulators and they are professionals at it. The baby that cries for no reason until you pick them up, the child that throws a tantrum until they get what they want, the child who puts the teacher against the parent or the father against the mother until they get what they want.....all have one motive to satisfy their immediate needs. You as parents have to think further than the immediate moment. Giving in to their whims and bad behavior is not how society will reward them. Children that lack self-control, demonstrate bad behavior, or simply care less, do not become productive adults. As a parent we all want our children to be self-sufficient.

Today we have adults still living with their parents. They're not attending school, most are not working and they are abusing and using their parents, grandparents or guardians. Families are fearful of their own offspring. Scared they will "act out" they give in and reward them with whatever it takes to keep them from disrupting the home.

Society rewards the child that "acts out" with harsh punishment. There is no time out, no standing in the corner, no giving in that will satisfy you as a parent. No one wants to see their child uneducated, unemployed or serving time in a penal institution. There are those who have leaned on the quote "It takes a village....." Well those of us in the village are calling out to the parents. GET IT TOGETHER.....there is no manual. IT"S NOT IN A BOOK.....Dr. Spock and any of the other "professionals" don't have a clue about today's children, the problems they face nor the problems "the village" deals with when the parent has not done their job.

Your child can't go through their first five years without discipline. The computer and the television, or time in their room is no substitute for you, the parent, their family or socializing with other children. Extra-curricular activities are not day care centers so you can go and get your nails or hair done, shop, or simply have quiet time. You've got eighteen years plus from the time of conception......it's just like a career. You don't get a manual, you will only get the fringe benefits and the pension if you put the time in. Parenting Does Not Come With An Instruction Manual.

Date: September 15, 2012
Title:  Practice What You Preach
Writer’s Name: Ornitha Danielle




So many times we tell our children to behave and not to do things that will get them into trouble. How can we preach these things and we’re doing the very thing that we tell them not to do. For instance how can a mother tell her daughter not to have sex before marriage, but yet in still the mother is having a different guy in the house and wants to get mad when the daughter is acting just  the way she’s being taught?

Fathers are not getting off by a long shot. You tell your son to respect women, but yet and still you disrespect his mother, or any other woman that passes by talking under her clothes. We as parents indeed need to be very careful of the messages we send to our children. We are the very reason so many of them are acting like they have no earthly sense that God has given them.  

On the flip side of things, God tells us parents how we are to train our children in Proverbs 22:6 -“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” I can honestly say that when I got older I for one never forgot what my parents taught me about the word of God. My mother taught me whenever I got in trouble that I could call on the name of Jesus and He would be right there to answer me.

The Bible even tells us that in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”  Here in this text, we see clearly how God left great instructions on how we should conduct ourselves in this life. In Ephesians 5:22, the word says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”

God was telling us that the way we present ourselves to Him, we have to do the same thing to our spouse. We must thank God for another opportunity to get it right. Lord knows that I’m grateful. As people of God that were created in His image, we should do everything possible to please Him. If we stop trying to please man and please God we will be on the right track for starters.

There is something else I never really understood. How can we hate one another and profess to love God? In John 4:20, it states: “If a man say, I love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar: for he that loves not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?” This is how I came up with the title of this article, Practice What You Preach.  We really should look in the mirror and not just talk about doing the right thing, but indeed be about God’s business. As a Christian I believe that God sent Jesus a man who knew NO SIN to die for me. Here’s something to think about. Could you ever repay God for what He did for you? Now He gave His son, which was His best for us. Are you willing to give Him your best?

Date: 9/9/10
Writer’s Name: S.F. Hardy
Title: Teenage Blues




As a continuation of an article I wrote earlier entitled, Raise It Write or Watch
It Fall, based on the ways children are raised today compared to
yesteryears, I want to discuss personal hardships of parenting a teenager in
today’s world.

Almost 13 years ago, days shy of my twentieth birthday I gave birth to a healthy
inquisitive baby boy. As a young mother, I was not sure how I was going to be a
mother who raised her son to be a productive citizen but I was and still am
determined to do so.

As I look back my fears of being a decent mother is nothing compared to what I face as my son will be a teenager in just 2 months. His attitude is changing, I’m fearful of the world that awaits him, and I just don’t know what to do.

I feel myself losing control as I often have to holler and scream just to get his
attention. I am not above corporal punishment but normally he is not within
arm’s reach or throw when we have these bouts. When discussing my child’s
abnormal behavior with my husband, he explained to me that our child is going
through puberty, which explains his moodiness and magnified attitude problem for
no apparent reason.

I talked with an old friend who is the parent of a pre-teen and adult. She too expressed her bafflement and had no answer for me or herself. Like me, she was a young mother who raised her children in a two parent home. Her children, like I imagine most children, had their issues but to what extreme is another topic. 
 
The fact remains. It is very difficult being a parent nomatter the support or lack thereof. I don’t take any comfort in knowing I am not alone in my concerns because that just means there are more clueless parents who want what is best for their children. I can’t imagine how children who have no support or guidance make it. Well for some I do.

I had a conversation just yesterday with my best friend who confided in me that
her 15 year old nephew, who just was released from a 3 month jail sentence, had
hit a lady in the head and carjacked a lady the night before. I gasped for air
as she told me this. I guess his behavior is to be expected since he never
really had structure or support of his parents. He, along with his siblings were
taken from their mother by the state and sent to live with various relatives.
The violence and substance abuse he witnessed his mother and other adults around
him partake in had become the norm for him -the exact norm that I don’t want for
my, or any other child; not only because eventually what happens to one affects
us all, but I believe children deserve much more if they are to have a fighting chance at a quality life.

I don’t want to push my child away but at the same time I am not his friend. I have explained to him that while I may say many things to him that he does not want to hear at the moment or ever, I will never steer him in the wrong direction or do anything to hurt him as I have his best interest at heart. For most of his life I have worked in corrections in some capacity or another and I share stories with him of why my expectations are high and why I demand certain behaviors from him.

Although I have been a constant in his life, so have other family members; some helping, others hindering in my raising him to be the man I wish him to be. I now fully understand why my mother urged me to stay at home with him his first few years of life. I denied him this in spite of my mother’s warnings and while I was working and attending college, I inadvertently allowed others to shape and mold my child in a way that I sometimes regret. I can’t take back the hands of time all I can do is do better moving forward and just hope that my child gives his self a chance at life and not be influenced by the knuckleheads of society. I don’t expect him to be perfect but I do want him to strive for perfection and not do anything to permanently jeopardize his chances at life.


While I am still confused on how to do this parenting thing the right way, I continue to push forward. I have considered letting him live with his biological father, if only temporary (which he does not want) in order for him to realize just how good he has it (which I believe to be part of the problem; he has too much). But I’m not sure if that will inflame my child’s issues in some way. That said, there is no easy way out, unless I am to give up and I’m not a quitter so I guess my only option is to pray and seek help for both myself and my child and keep him as active as I can. I can only hope that those around us don’t undermine my position so that my worst nightmare does not become true.

If you or someone you know are having difficulties raising a teenager, know that you are not alone and it is ok to seek outside help, professional and informal to ensure the best for your child(ren).

Resources for Parents

http://www.byparents-forparents.com/

http://parentingteens.about.com/

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=114388&sid=1347284861.2398_15030&city=Detroit&state=MI&spec=5

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=125097&sid=1347284861.2398_15030&city=Detroit&state=MI&spec=5

Date: September 10, 2012
Writer’s Name: Charlotte Marshall Templeman
Title: Back to School, for Parent and Child

   


As the summer comes to a close and festivities end, children are gearing up for their first day back to school.  The barbecues are over, family reunions have ended and summer visits to the beach are now a memory. For millions of children across this country September is the month where the shorts and sandals are packed away and the school uniforms are taken out. It is also the month where another year of wonderful possibilities awaits them in the classroom. Science labs are geared up for the next formula to be solved while English classes shelve unread masterpieces for their minds to explore.  In math class numbers big and small wait to be added or multiplied while in social studies the constitution and the freedoms under it are discussed.  School is back in session!
   

During the summer, children have the autonomy to do a little more than usual. Bed times are extended along with outside time and play time. Children are completely in fun mode and for most learning is the last thing on their mind. Less than often books are read and rarely any educational tools are implemented in their daily activity. For the child, this is the life but unfortunately when school begins we find many of our children are behind in the basic fundamentals such as reading. It is imperative that children never stop learning and engaging their minds. The brain needs to be fed to work just like any other organ in the body. Without food for the mind the brain starves. When this happens we see a number of children returning to school trying to catch up. Although this may be the case for some, there is still hope for a child to progress and become re-familiar with learning. This is where the role of the parents becomes crucial to their child’s education.
   

Upon a child returning to school the parent has to be actively involved. It is critical for a parent to know as much as possible about their child’s school, teacher and what is expected from all parties involved. Parents should be familiar with their child’s lesson, homework assignments, when test are administered and when outside projects are due. At times it may feel as if the parent is in school but this is the role of a concerned parent who wants the best for their child.
   

Being actively involved in your child’s education shows them how loved and valued they are. When a child sees their parent attend back to school night, report conferences and school meetings it gives them the extra zeal to do well. Parents have to understand the importance of making sure their child put away the electronic gadgets and pick up a book. Watching television should be reserved for the weekend as studying should take precedence during the week. The education of our children should always be our priority. The job of the teacher and parent are intertwined and they should always be a united team. It is the teacher’s job to equip our children with the essential tools to learn while it is the responsibility of the parent to enforce it at home. The home environment should always be an extension of school. Learning never ends.
   

Being a parent is the most rewarding job a person can ever have. We are our children’s first teacher. It is from us that they learn how to interact with others, how to speak and how to act, so it is imperative we lead by example.  Showing them that we care about them speaks volumes. It can be the beginning of a child exhibiting positive self – esteem or lack thereof.   When a parent stresses the importance of education in the life of their child from a young age, more than likely the child will have a love for learning. In conjunction to that a parent has to have a love for seeing their child excel. If a child does well in school the child along with their parent and teacher are winners. The relationship between parent and teacher is paramount and the skies are the limit for a child. So welcome back to school children and do well!

Date:  09/7/2012
Name: Donnell Hicks
Title: So Hard to Say Goodbye: Why Is It So Hard For Parents to Let Their Children Go?


There comes a certain point and time a parent must allow their child to grow up so they can experience life and the world on their own- a time to let their child stand on his/her own two feet and make their own choices in life. At this point, they must pass the threshold of turning eighteen years old. For some parents, it becomes extremely difficult to let a child grow up or become their own woman/man, yet it has to be done. 

Without a doubt, a parent should let their children gain independence to walk alone There are parents who cherish the luxury of the fact that their offspring is out of the house simply living their own lives according to making the right decisions and not getting into any trouble. Whereas some parents tend to become quite emotional for the reason that their child is growing up too fast from a young person into a teenager entering their first year in high school leading up to their last year in high school and then off to college. Parents should understand that there comes a point when they must let go and not cling onto their children throughout their whole lives. At the end of the day the parent will realize it’s in the best interest of the child. 

In some cases, parents will become excessively worried regarding their children or child’s whereabouts although he/she is past the threshold of eighteen years old. The parent will go out of his/her way to make sure their child/children are safe and sound while attending college far away from the comfort of home. On the contrary, some parents will live in the excitement, joy, and pleasure of knowing their work has been done raising their children from the time they’re born until the time they’re eighteen or nineteen years old. However, there’s not a time or a place a parent doesn’t grow worried for the lives of their child when he/she is away to college or hanging out with friends. No matter how old a child will get, a parent will always grow concerned for their offspring, especially living in this chaotic world filled with so much crime and enticement of doing wrong. 

Nonetheless, it is up to the child if he/she wants to stay at home and attend college or move far away to another state to attend another college to leave home and become independent. There are some children who stay home with their parents until they’re old; some parents love the fact their child is still living at home with them while some parents become disgruntled by the idea of still having their children living at home. 

I know for certain there are a few parents who can’t wait until their child has graduated high school and is out of the house so he/she can gain some knowledge of what it feels like to become independent without having to run back to mother or father every time. More than likely, it is a revolving door.   

Date: 9/3/2012
Writer’s Name: Dominique Wilkins   
Title: If Your Child Can Hear You

   

As a parent, you tell them all of the things that you know. You hope, beg, and pray that they hear you over the negatives voices in their ear and become outstanding adults. There are times where you think that you have lost or are losing them to the world we live in; but I write this article today to show proof that your efforts are not in vain. Continue to pull and root for our youth. Pull for them, with every bone in your body. It is a war out here and it is not over until we stop pulling!
   
As proof, I would like to share with you an essay I asked my son to write. I only suggested the title and contents be about what he is grateful for. The rest was all of his thoughts…

 

"The reasons why I am grateful" by Deon (age 12).

There is a lot of things I am grateful for and here is some of them. I am grateful to have a roof over my head because some people don't have a place to live and are homeless. I am grateful to have food on the table every day. Some kids around the world are starving - like the kids in Africa they would die to have a warm meal. I am grateful to have parents who care for me because some children are in the orphanage waiting to be adopted and have foster parents.

I am grateful for the clothes I have because some children somewhere just have to wear rags and would love to have the clothes I have. I am grateful to have a warm comfortable bed. Why? Because some kids don't have a warm comfortable bed to sleep on. I am grateful to have parents who care for me because some kids have to take care of themselves.

I am grateful to have a caring family because some kid’s family doesn’t care what the child does. I am grateful to have parents who work so I can do fun stuff and go cool places. Some kids’ parents don't work and can’t afford to get their kids nice things and take them to cool places. I am grateful to be in a new school where I’m treated fairly and don’t get bulled and I can focus on learning new things. Some kids have to deal with that their entire school year. I am grateful to have parents who spend a lot of money on me so I can have the things I need. Some parents won’t do that; they have a limit on how much they spend on their child. I am grateful to have a good education because some kids don’t know how to read or write because they can’t go to school or their parents won’t let them go to school. These are some of the reasons I’m grateful.
   

I left it unedited to show you the realism of the words from an 11yr old boy. I hope that these words have given you that feel good sensation all over as it does me, whenever I read it. Continue to train up a child in a respectful and honest way and you will definitely reap what you sow…

Date: August 27, 2012
Writer’s Name: Charlotte Marshall Templeman
Title: When Motherhood goes wrong
   

For many, being a mother is the greatest and most special gift they will ever receive. From the time of conception to delivery most mothers are already bonding with their children. They are talking to them, reading to them, preparing their home for them and loving them.  It is a great feeling to know that once their child is born they will have the job of caring for another human being - one who depends on them for all of their needs. It is one of the most important and gratifying jobs a woman can have. However, for some the thought of having a child is a nuisance. For some women it can be a strain on them financially, mentally and emotionally. It is then that the child who should be looked upon as a blessing becomes a burden.
   

Recently in the news we the learned of the Camden, New Jersey single mother who murdered and decapitated her two year old son. After calling 911 she took her own life. According to the news report the mother had mental issues along with a drug addiction. At one point the child was taken away from her by authorities but later returned to her care. The end result was the murder of an innocent child and an apparent woman with problems. Who’s to blame for this tragedy? Is it the child welfare system who knew the mother was unstable but gave the child back to her? Is it the drug dealer who sold her drugs to use at her leisure? Or is it a mental health system who knew she was mentally unstable but possibly gave limited care? No one will ever know for sure but what we do know is a mother and child is dead.
   

Being a single mother can cause unwanted stress on the parent. Depending on whether or not a mother has a good job with adequate health insurance for her child and self, a stable home to live in, functioning appliances, food to eat and working electricity, water and gas, these can be just some of the hardships she has to encounter if she is not able to have those things. There are programs available for low income families but the paperwork and all that is required can become tedious to the point where a person becomes impatient and does not follow through. Whatever the reasons being, we as a society have to get better with helping those in needs. Some may say, “Well you have to help yourself first” but what if a person does not know where to begin? There are many factors that can play into a person not seeking help and following through. It can mean a difference between someone who can read and someone who cannot. Normally a person with limited education will feel inferior when having to speak to someone in authority. They may do it but not like it.  Once again, this can be the cause of some single mothers seeking assistance versus those who do not.
   

We all know that single parents have been around since the beginning of time. Throughout our history single mothers have raised numerous children and have done a great job. They had children, went back to work and continued to do what was needed to provide. The difference from then until now is the help single mothers received from the community. If she was hungry, a neighbor fed them. If they needed clothes or shoes, a neighbor clothed them. If she needed someone to care for her child while she worked, a neighbor did that as well. Communities were more like family and everyone had a hand in helping someone in need. The burden of raising and caring for a child was eased because of the help received. Unfortunately today, people are more concerned with looking out for themselves. Some single mothers have the task of solely caring for their child on their own. If you are faced with limited funds, education and basic resources this becomes a strain and other outside factors begin to surface- for example drugs.

While the mother is self-medicating herself from the pain she feels her child is left alone to care for themselves and the once beautiful dream of having a child becomes a nightmare. So once again, who is to blame for this? I believe we all have to take some accountability. First, fathers who are not taking an active role in the raising of their child should. Making a baby but not providing it with the love and support it needs to grow effectively makes you a male, not a man. Dead beat dads need to understand that their presence in the life of their child is more valuable than not.

Secondly, communities have to become just that, communities. If we know of a woman who is having difficulty in raising her child, we have to step in and offer any type of information or resources that will help her become a better parent.

Thirdly, we have to take a serious look at mental health and not ignore it. If we know of a mother who is mentally ill we have to once again provide her with the resources to get her the help she needs. If she refuses, our main priority should be getting the child the help they need for a safer and stable environment. And finally the woman has to take accountability as well. If she is continuing to have children by a man who is not ready for fatherhood or she herself is not ready for motherhood based on various reasons, she needs to protect herself from pregnancy. The worst thing a woman can do is have a child knowing she is unable to care for it.
   

Motherhood can be a wonderful experience. You get to be responsible for another life which can grow into such a success. The sky is the limit for a child when they are raised with love and all the support they need. There is nothing they cannot accomplish. However, before a woman takes on the role of motherhood she has to also be emotionally, mentally and financially capable as best she can because when motherhood goes wrong and a child’s life is lost, we all lose too.

Date:  August 26, 2012
Name:  Nanette Buchanan
Title: Stolen Innocence


My childhood brings back pleasant memories.  My yesterdays were filled with experiences, both good and bad. Oh but the lessons I learned. I told my children, now adults, on several occasions, “Your life has value; the life you choose to live will determine its price.”

I remember the excitement I held each morning welcoming a new day.  I loved school, after school activities, and the freedom I shared with my friends when playing outdoors throughout the community.  The school day included playing in the playground and learning in the classroom.  Everyone was on the same accord.  We respected the teacher, male or female, and anyone who taught us all they knew.  We stood proudly, saluted the flag, and said our prayers. There were unspoken words that sounded loudly between us and our educators - one of trust and loyalty. They were committed to teach during and after class; we were committed to learning.  When asked, who we wanted to be,” we would proudly answer the title of the job we often dreamed of.    

There was a sense of community consciousness.  Each household held the values of their neighbor closely and it had its benefits.  The ‘village concept’ was embraced as I, my family and friends were raised by the community.  We too had parents that worked. There was no distinction between single parent homes or those who had both, the mother and father.  Those with less were not ridiculed for each household held on to prayers that they would be able to provide for their home day by day.  There were grandmothers who held down the homes waiting for the latch key children to run home to their loving arms.  Homes were shared; we each had that extended family, that extra love. Through it all we knew our place, a child was a child and we had to wait to become an adult.

I can vividly remember playing on the block, childhood games, and snowball fights.  The sound of the basketball bouncing in my neighbor’s yard signaled the need for me to finish my chores on Saturday mornings.  As children we had little to no fear of walking from one side of the city to another.  We’d wave to adults who would certainly report our behavior to our parents before we got home.  We were taught responsibility as we kept our eyes on the younger siblings.  The oldest of the group took the place in the absence of our parents - and this we cherished.  The thought of being older, we yearned for the years to pass on.

As a teen, I remember the courtships and the giggles we shared as we talked about who we liked or “went with.” The tears of excitement as we won awards in sports, academics, and community achievements became motivation to become next year’s nominees.  We longed for summer jobs.  Getting our own check gave us a little freedom of choice for at least two school outfits.  We had our trends, our music, and our circle of friends.  Our hair went from crew-cuts to afros, from pony tails to cornrows. We made our own statements but none were bias toward others.  We went through the phases of being a teen. We were becoming adults, taking on responsibilities and loving the challenges.  We moved on, understanding you work for what you want no matter how long it took.  Our confidence was supported by our upbringing.  We were strong individually, and stronger as a group. We were risk takers, never seeking to harm anyone.  We experimented with marijuana, alcohol, and sex; never fearing the dangers or the long lasting effects.  We loved good times, good music, and we were united in becoming what our ancestors would call good people, living good.

My college years led to my adult years, marriage, children and the cycle had changed.  I was now the one raising another. Reflecting, I can remember the days I used my mother’s methods, my grandmother’s examples and lessons I learned from my father. If you can’t work for what you want, you really don’t want it.  If you lie, you’ll steal…..it was just that simple.  To my son, “You are not typical, you’re above that and don’t let anyone group you with those who are;” to my daughters, “love yourself and others will see how you want to be loved.” I longed for them to have more than I had, but I needed to keep the rich foundation that was passed on to me. The opportunities for them were abundant but so were the challenges, the diversions, and the fears.

My children were teens when I saw undeniable evidence that our youth were losing their innocence.  Children who lost part of their childhood, a generation of males and females that had no guidance were left to raise themselves.  Many blamed the rise of crime stripping the homes of fathers.  Others blamed it on teen pregnancy, children raising children. The restrictions were necessary, changing the life of a child while stripping them of their innocence began.  Decisions for the youth are made in court and not in the home. Strangers have become the same people we once had faith in.  Children had to be told about sex and how to protect themselves from pedophiles. The boogeyman was real. He had moved in the neighborhoods.  Babies that are left on buses by daycare workers, children being a part of domestic violence and abuse have no choice but to step into the adult world.  They have become an adult not long after being potty trained.

It seemed so simple yet it became foul.  I feared for my teens to take public transportation or walk further than I could see.  I became their constant transportation.  Monitoring their education ensured they wouldn’t be thought of as the “typical” child.  Education was no longer a class united with one goal.  My children watched as the National anthem was only sung at sporting events, and the pledge was only recited when requested.  Together we couldn’t understand the arguments about prayer in the school when the streets were riddled with violence.  My children made it to adulthood unscathed and we prayed and gave thanks for that.

The neighborhood’s graffiti warns us that there were others fulfilling family extensions. Children who are confused about family love and life, never being in a structured home they long to belong. Gangs open their arms to all who need intimacy, protection or an escape from the hypocrisy preached in their broken homes.  Wayward youth, learn from the streets, avoiding school, grandmothers and the village concept.  We lost our girls to the beds of men who valued “a pretty young thing” as long as she could satisfy his needs.  We lost our boys to the pretense of being a man would be confirmed once they made a child.  We lost our girls, who allowed their name to be anything other than what their birth certificates read.  We lost our males to other men who stole their manhood and dared them to speak about it.  We lost our girls, we lost our boys, and today we’ve lost the foundation.  They were never taught the beauty of their bodies.  They weren’t told that there was no need to wear the letters R.I.P with pride because a friend took a bullet and died.  They didn’t stay in school to learn that this war in the street is nothing more than the new genocide.  Society stole their innocence, allowing Planned Parenthood to teach our youth that sex is okay if you protect yourself from STD’s.  No one told them that pregnancy is a responsibility of two -for life.  The village is being terrorized, we’re losing our youth. They are on the street and those who helped in the past have moved on seeking refuge and peace.

Teachers can no longer press youth for better grades, give any input on a child’s behavior or conduct, or tell them to pull their pants up.  The dress code is no longer just a fashion statement it often speaks sex, or desire.  The entertainment, though rated exposes young audiences to adult themes.  Parents work to give more, hoping what they give will deter their child from wanting the negatives.  Most are shunning their responsibility.  Having sex without love has replaced after school activities, sports, and childhood games.  The fears of my yesterday are no match to the trauma of today.  

As we watch the increase in dropouts, their education is in jeopardy. As we accept the disrespect, lack of morals and values to be displayed, we give permission for their behavior. As we make excuses and give them more than they deserve they will never know what it is to work for what they want.  Our children lost their innocence and we’re holding on to their dreams hoping they will reconnect with life’s realities. Today is the foresight of tomorrow. When one knows better they do better.   

Date: 08/09/2012   
Name: Donnell Hicks
Title: Hip-Hop is the Destruction of our Youth



Some of the children and teenagers today in society are being thrown into the cold realm of the admiration of hip-hop music. They have a high regard towards the biggest rap music moguls in the industry such as Lil’ Wayne, Drake, Rick Ross, and Flo Rida; these children and teenagers will know every explicit word to every rap song, but they fail miserably in the classrooms. Rap music sends chaotic signs and a false message to children and teenagers that it is the only way out of poverty instead of having a decent education. Children and teenagers watch music videos and see the high priced cars, the big houses, the money, and the jewelry the rappers wear in their music videos then they assume that’s where the education lies. Parents must do everything in their power to prevent his/her child from putting the admiration of rap music first ahead of education.

   

On the other hand, the world of hip-hop music has some positive aspects. For example rappers like Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, Sean “P. Diddy” Combs, and T.I., talk about their rags to riches story and how they came up out of poverty to inform the children and teenagers that receiving an education is more significant than having no education at all and ending up in jail or on the corner dealing drugs. For some teenagers, they assume it’s cool to have numerous tattoos all over their bodies, piercings in their faces, or having their pants sagging below the waist - for the same reason that they see some of the rappers with their pants sagging below their waist. Little do they understand, it’s very degrading to themselves when they end up not getting a decent job. It is also degrading to their parents. Rap music is absolutely destroying these young minds by keeping them from succeeding in the future to become prominent doctors and lawyers.

   

As far as the young girls are concerned, some of them view women like Nicki Minaj or Rihanna as someone who they can look up to. These young gorgeous beautiful girls start dressing and acting like Nicki Minaj with plenty of tattoos, personality changes, and the tacky wardrobe. Another thing these young girls are doing is imitating what they see the video girls do in the music videos with the rappers. These young girls believe becoming a video girl is a definite career to escape their poverty-stricken surroundings. Clearly, it will have a lasting impression on them perhaps for a lifetime.  

   

Although I’m a minor fan of hip-hop music, it can certainly be a key to the downfall of the lives of these children, young men, and young women. Rap music can contribute to more gang violence in the streets, violence at home, or in the schools predominantly in the low-income urban areas in the African-American communities throughout the United States. This is the reason why parents must do everything in their power to ensure that their child or teen is putting education first before giving them a chance to listen to rap music and to imitate some of these rappers. Somehow it must end.

Name: Donnell Hicks
Date: 07/19/2012   
Title: Children In Need of Loving Families

There are an estimated 408,000 to 500,000 children currently living in foster care in the United States due to the neglect, abuse, and abandonment from their birth parents’ or other relatives in their family. Children who enter the foster care system have a difficult time adjusting to a new different way of life given the harsh circumstances they have endured in their homes prior to entering foster care. By the age of 17 to 21 years old, children age out of the foster care system or many remain in foster care until 21 years old. Afterwards, some children don’t know where they’ll end up once they’re out of the system. Some will end back up on the street homeless, dead or incarcerated.

   

As of September 30, 2010, according to www.fostercaremonth.org, 59% of black children are in foster care, 53% of children have been in foster care for more than one year, 17% of children spends three years of more in the foster care system, and 28,000 is the number of youth who age out of foster care ranging from 18 to 21 years old. Out of that staggering number, only 22% of youth becomes homeless and 25% suffer post-traumatic stress disorder. African-American children who are currently living in foster care in the United States suffer extreme problems with:

• Abuse & Neglect
• Severe behavioral problems or parental problems in the household
• Illness (physical or emotional)
• Incarceration
• AIDS
• Alcohol & Substance abuse
• Death

   

According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, African-American children make up approximately two-thirds of the foster care population and remain in care longer. Two out of three children are reunited with his/her birth parents within a two year timeframe. Furthermore, children who are in foster care will spend hours and hours waiting for adoption or other permanent arrangements (Source: www.aacap.org).

   

Needless to say, removing children from their home and placing them into foster care can be extremely easier said than done; and very stressful for the child to adapt to new surroundings. Nonetheless, about 30% of children living in foster care can have emotional, behavioral or developmental problems, because they’re often struggling with:

• Blaming themselves for the guilt of removal from their birth parents.
• Wishing to return to their birth parents.
• Feeling unwanted if awaiting adoption for a long time.
• Developing a tendency of feeling helpless about multiple changes in foster care over time.
• Having mixed emotions in regards to attaching themselves to their foster parents.
• Developing insecurities in relation to the future.
• Becoming reluctant to acknowledging positive feelings for their foster parents.

   

   

Thus over the past 10 years, there has been a decrease in the number of foster parents (non-relative) available to care for children. When foster parents adopt a child, there are several immense challenges which include:

• Recognizing the limits of their emotional attachment to the child.
• Understand mixed feelings towards the child’s birth parents.
• Finding support services in the community.

   

Different issues in regards to a child living their lives in the foster care system are very much a reality that we as adults have to face. Many children need our help to guide them, nurture them, and most of all give them a strong support system. Without any foster parents to give these children those necessary tools to survive, children will verily much slip through the cracks. How can we stand back and allow a child to suffer extreme abuse not only from their birth parents, but also from them living with foster parents? I have mentioned before young adults who age out of the foster care system when they reach 21 years old have to navigate the cold world on their own.

   

The numbers are alarming to say the least, because more youth and children should be adopted and surrounded by lots of affection from people who will be there to care for them every day. Instead, we turn our backs; we ignore their cries and the loneliness of these children and youth. They need us to survive. Why deny the children and youth a chance to have a better life? Why destroy their lives even more when they are adopted? It doesn’t make any sense. Adopting a child or a teenager can change everybody’s life in the process. All they’re asking for, all they’re yearning for is someone to love them and give them a better life than they had before.

   

When I read these different articles on foster care, I come up with the concept that these youth and children never asked to be in a hard situation. They never asked to be given up by their birth parents waiting in a foster care system for years, awaiting to be adopted, and they never asked as to be struggling on their own. If a child or a youth is adopted out of foster care into a nice decent family structure, certainly it will take some time for the child or youth to get acclimated to his/her new environment. However, the youth/child will see it in their eyes as a blessing in disguise to have a foster family to care so deeply about them. The youth will find his/her way into college, working a job and living life like there’s no tomorrow knowing he/she has a dynamic family structure along with a strong dynamic support system. A child will take to his/her foster parents’ as angels appearing to them from heaven. With definite affection, the youth/children will absolutely grow up into positive influences in society such as becoming a nurse, doctor, lawyer, police officer, etc.

   

Most of us who have been fortunate like myself to grow up in a steady family environment whether it be a single parent household or a two-parent household should be counting our blessings every day since we don’t have a clue what it feels like to be left in the gutter and raised among strangers. This is the reason why it sickens me to the core of my soul when I hear or see on the news regarding innocent children and youth being missing from the foster care system and weeks, days, or even months later the police finds the child dead or incarcerated. It comes to the point where these children practically give up on their lives, for the apparent reason that they get a sense that no other adult would want to bring them into their family structure.

   

 Truth be told, many children and youths according to the latest statistics in this article are telling everyone-  from the person who is single to a married couple who have not yet had children, “we need you,” “where are you?”, “I need love.” Yes adoption can be an uphill battle given the birth parents might re-enter the picture. But on the other hand, a child or youth will have the last word either to stay with their adoptive parents or go back into the arms of their abusive birth parents just to suffer yet another round of neglect and abuse.

   

In reality, I do not see the problem with adopting children. If I had a chance I would definitely adopt three children seeing that how blessed I was to be raised with a strong single mother. My heart bleeds for a child or even a youth for that matter, because no one wants to see them prosper and grow. Just ask yourself this question, what more can I give?

   

These children and youth have goals and dreams. Take Javon and Joshua ages 11 and 9 who have big dreams they want to accomplish. Javon wants to be a scientist in the field of biology, whereas, Joshua loves reading, skateboarding, and love playing outdoors. Another example, Anthony age 15 has dreams of becoming a SWAT team member when he grows up, courageously helping to rescue someone from threat or danger. Beneath Anthony’s quiet demeanor he’s a fun, courageous, and loveable teenager. The security and support of a loving family is very much important to him and what he needs the most to help him reach his full potential. Anthony will benefit from having an old sibling.

   

With that being said from the two prime examples I’ve given, the only thing a child is searching for is someone to call “mom” or “dad” something to call “family.” Why deny a child or a youth that chance? Again, ask yourself this question. What more can I give?