Name: Donnell Hicks
Title: Let the Past be the Past
A wise man once said and I quote, “Forgiveness is the greatest thing ever, because at the end you’ll have untold peace and happiness.” Before I became a writer, I didn’t realize what the mantra “Price of Fame” actually meant until two years ago when I became a victim of verbal assault from everybody from all different directions. The very people who claimed to be my friend, ended up departing, abusing my trust, love, and kindness to the point I became so bitter and angry and started building up these defensive walls around me so I won’t hurt anymore.
My heart grew shallow, my love grew cold. So many pundits whispered behind my back they even conspired to destroy me in any way they knew how; for the reason that I didn’t do what they wanted me to do for them. Each time I had lent out a helping hand or did any favors, it always came to slap me in the face with full force. It got to the point where I started to hate myself for being such a nice person to my fellow brethren.
Recently, it came down to the point where I couldn’t stand the concept of being nice anymore for the sake of being hurt again and taken advantage by “friends.”
I turned into a monster, trying to hurt the very pundits who struck at me ten times and committed treason. Although I attempted to keep a smile on my face, inside my soul, a raging monster would grow devouring everything in sight. I did my best praying often to the heavens, yet none of it worked but only for a short period of time. The same people who hurt me, I wanted to make them feel my pain. My mother would tell me some times “God honors a person who has humility when he/she has been constantly hurt.” Though I was filled up with rage, I didn’t really care.
So many reasons played a significant factor in why I couldn’t let the past go; for starters I befriended this guy in 2011. This person claimed to be a cool, down to earth guy. Truthfully, I was naïve to see underneath the surface of all the glitter wasn’t purely gold. He made me feel comfortable around him and then he vanished into thin air without a trace. From that point on and with every other situation, I lashed out at anyone who came in my way. I held onto the anguish, the defeat so that I can allow the demon to be revealed.
Every now and again, I kept holding onto the past when someone tried to show me love I pushed the person away. I kept on pretending to be at peace when in fact I wasn’t in peace. One day it came down to the wire where I had to recognize that what I was doing wasn’t hurting the individuals, I was downright hurting myself in the process. I just had to leave everything in God hands and I did. I regret that I had lost my faith; I regret allowing the past to pull me away from the many blessings God had blessed me with regarding my writing career. Likewise, I didn’t know my own strength to rise above the smoke.
To conclude, life is too short to hold onto a grudge. The past will be the past and there’s nothing we can do about it except live.