Writer’s Name: Allison Martin
Title: What Happens after the Honeymoon
Since your childhood years, you’ve envisioned this moment and it’s finally here. For the past year or so, countless hours (and amounts of cash) have been put into planning the picture perfect day. Everything is finally ready to go; the attire is resting on the hanger awaiting its grand debut, floral arrangements embellish the church and reception hall, the scent of the scrumptious meal the caterer has prepared seeps from the kitchen, and the spirit in the air is one of joy and excitement. Family and friends have traveled from near and far to share all of the delight the big day will bring.
At last, the couple exchanges vows and the two officially become one. The day is beautiful and fun-filled as expected and at the end of the night, the couple escapes to their own fantasy island while family and friends go on their merry way. For the next week or so, the new couple can’t get enough of each other while on the honeymoon and life is great.
Fast forward a few years and the honeymoon phase is over. Life is back to normal and they are no longer newlyweds. Children may even be in the picture at this point and life couldn’t be more hectic. One party in the marriage has had enough, consults with lawyers, and the papers are served. It’s over!
Sadly, this is the harsh reality for some couples as 40-50% of all marriages in end divorce (as estimated by politifact.com). But does it have to be? There are certainly specific factors that cause major strains in marriages (i.e. cheating) but other underlying issues are often ignored. What many fail to realize is that many marriages sever due to disputes that span way beyond infidelity. Let’s take a closer look:
- Money problems: Before the big day, many couples make the mistake of not having “the money talk” and don’t comprehend one another’s perspective on money in general. Before saying “I do,” spending habits, credit scores, and financial dirty laundry (i.e. debts) need to be aired out to make sure that the two are on the same page prior to uniting as one.
- Ulterior motives: Too many are saying “I do” for all the wrong reasons. If the individual is just searching for a meal ticket, security, status, or just wants to get married to have a big wedding, disaster is right around the corner. Since marriage is a lifetime commitment and not just a simple relationship, there can be harsh consequences should one of the parties involved decide to take a hike.
- Communication barriers: In a marriage, both parties will not always be on the same page but if there is a major discrepancy or issue that needs to be discussed, proper communication is essential. Understand that a shouting match does not qualify and usually yields a lot of excessive yelling and cussing without making any real progress.
- Unwillingness to compromise: No one’s perfect; we all have flaws! In addition, we all come from various backgrounds and possess different values and characteristics. With that being said, compromise is a must for any marriage to work. Both parties have to be willing to meet each other half way on those things that they may not see eye to eye on.
- Loss of identity: Many get so wrapped in their roles of being a spouse and parent (if applicable) that they forget about the other party (and sometimes who they are as well). This is dangerous for any marriage. Balance is the key to making it all work and “couple time” is fundamental in order to keep the spark ignited.
Matthew 19:4-6 states the following:
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
There may be ups and downs in any marriage, but any sacred union under the Lord is worth fighting for.