03/12/13
Allison Martin
You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family

 

“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and you can put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, and your stomach because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.” –Frederick Buechner

As the quote states, as you progress in life and elevate to new heights, your family will always be with you.  These are the individuals that have been by your side since day one, and sometimes know you better than you know yourself.  I should also mention that a family member doesn’t necessarily have to be a blood relative.  It could simply be someone such as an adoptive parent or sibling.

In many instances, immediate family members tend to have the greatest impact due to life long bonds that originated from birth.

Let’s take a look at some tactics families should incorporate into their everyday lives to strengthen the relationships amongst its members.

1. Good communication. This can really make or break any family.  It’s important for all family members to be on one accord.  In the event of a discrepancy, those with varying perspectives should be able to openly communicate their concerns and work together to come up with a solution.

2. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  With strong communication comes respect.  All family members should treat others like they want to be treated.  Lack of respect indicates to others that there are no clearly established boundaries for behavior.

3. Forgive and forget!  Holding grudges does not facilitate bond-building; it hinders it!  Immediate family members typically have your best interest at heart.  Don’t ruin it all over a simple conflict; it’s just not worth it.

4. Family dinners.  Nowadays, everyone seems to be so busy with their own private agendas; families are no different.  Mom or Dad has to work late while the kids have extracurricular activities to participate in.  This leaves no time for good ol’ traditional family dinners.  However, dinnertime is an integral part in bond-building as it allows everyone to sit down together to discuss their day and other significant things taking place in their lives.

5. Game night.  A game of Scrabble is the perfect highlight to spice up game night.  Ditch the friends, co-workers and neighbors and join in on a fun-filled game night with your loved ones.  As time ticks away, these precious moments will disappear and you may only see your family members once per year.

6. Tone at the top.  If you are a parent, be sure to set a positive example for your children.  The tone at the top ultimately determines the climate of the household.

7. Hugs!  Don’t be afraid to embrace your loved ones every opportunity that you have.  Hugs tend to create some sort of warmth inside of most of us.  Tomorrow isn’t promised, so give your family members a hug today.

Whether you like it or not, you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.  With that being said, it’s best to accept (whole-heartedly) the family members God blessed you with and develop positive relationships with them.  It will make your life a lot easier.

02/11/13
Felecia Williams
Title: A Family in Agreement

 

A good family bond is important in today’s society. With all of the distractions in our world today, keeping our families as our first priority can help to ensure a better future. Prayer, love, patience, communication, support, counseling and trust are among several factors that can increase the unity within one’s family.

Families are built upon different principles and may be nothing like the ‘cookie cutter’ families that you see on television. It’s not always a mother, father, two kids and a dog. Even though this may be true for some, not everyone’s household is made up that way. Regardless of the type of family one has, each one must maintain a certain level of unity.

Prayer is a top factor that should be utilized fervently to strengthen one’s family bond. Prayer amongst the family as a whole as well as individually, gives growth and unity a place to start. Prayer sets the stage for love and patience. Trusting in God for support first enables better trust, communication and support within one’s family.

A 15 year old boy lost his parents at the age of 9. His parents were on their way home from the hospital with their new born daughter, but they never made it home due to a fatal accident. The boy was left in the care of his grandparents and uncle. Losing his parents and new sister was hard for all of them and his uncle seemed to take it the hardest by having a nervous breakdown. With the loss of his parents, his uncle’s hardships and grandparent’s old age, you might think that he was left in an unfortunate situation.

The reality is that even though they may be what some consider a ‘make shift’ family, they are family none the less. They pray together daily and not just at dinner time. They sit and talk about each other’s day; no matter if it was good or bad they communicate. Counseling is not something they go out in search for; it’s done right at home. Trusting in each other’s opinions and actions shows the support that they have for one another. Patience has to be practiced constantly, especially due to the three generations cohabitating as they are. The differences amongst them are many, but overall their love for one another compensates for anything that may try to break their union.

Family equals unity and to strengthen this unity should be what we strive for daily. Our families are who and what we make them. The young man lost his birth parents and his only sibling. He did not choose this fate but he wouldn’t dare imagine his life any different now. He misses his mother and father but he also loves his uncle and grandparents dearly.

His story reminds us to communicate with one another, give support, counsel when needed, and pray together. Set an example by exhibiting a patient, loving, and trusting nature. The family structure can only stand as strong as the foundation set in the beginning. So, no matter how your family is pieced together; make sure you have a firm ground to stand on.

Date: 12/21/2012
Name: Donnell Hicks
Title: A Family That Prays Together Stays Together

Families, whether big or small, are truly dynamic in all aspects - particularly within African-American families who have been a force to reckon with forever. Despite the fact that we were sold into slavery during the slavery area, African-American families stood strong, steadfast, and most of all united through tough times and the good times. Even following slavery, black families have been the cornerstone in American history. The seven facets that make black families unified are:

1. Traditional Sunday Soul food Dinners: African-American families started a tradition that would last for generations upon generations. That tradition would be called “Sunday Dinner.” The ritual dates all the way back to slavery days when black families would come together after church services to bond and eat over some delicious soul food dinner with “Big Mama” sitting at the head of the table. It is one time everyone in the family can come together as one to catch up on life.

2. Family reunions have been the solid foundation in African-American families as well. Family reunions are a time when everyone comes together in one location and meet extended family members who haven’t seen their faces in decades.

3. Another way black families can be unified as one is by showing love to each other all year round bonding over barbeque cookouts over the weekends or just calling up each other on the phone to say “I love you.”

4. Holiday gatherings are another way families can stay together and be unified. There’s not one single holiday like Thanksgiving, Easter, and Christmas. African-American families can come together in peace to enjoy each other company.

5. Family members can also support one another in special occasions such as sports, high school and graduation ceremonies, artistic crafts-writing a book, music, designing clothes, or painting. Family members giving their undying support to each other is another way an African-American family can stay strong and united.

6. Coming together on one accord when a loved one is deceased or down on his/her luck is also a way the bond in African-American families can be strengthened. When a loved one is gone onto glory, it is up to the rest of the family members to stand in valor by leaning on each other instead of outsiders.

Somehow over the last two decades, some African-American families have separated. What I mean by that, everyone has grew up, had children of their own and went their own way in life. Since some of the matriarchs and patriarchs within black families who kept their families intact have become deceased, the family  unit has become marred with arguments, jealousy, less affection, less support, more hate, less communication, and less phone calls of “I love you.”

And in some family units, you have that one family member believing he or she is bigger and better than the next; he or she is on an ego trip. African-American families aren’t the same anymore like how when “Big Mama” or “Granddad” kept the families together by showcasing unity. Families should and always stand with one another. For that reason alone, a family that prays together stays together.

Date:  12/10/20
Writer’s Name: James W. Lewis
Title: Tips on Strengthening the Family Bond

It doesn’t matter how far you travel, how much you change as you grow, how successful you become in your chosen profession, or the decisions you make (good and bad), family is family, and that will always be the case. Family knew you when you needed your diaper changed. Family witnessed your awkward teen stages. They stood front row at your graduation, their screaming, clapping, and stomping sent shock waves through the auditorium as they cheered on your achievement, probably embarrassing you. They saw it all, and they know all the secrets. They know you like no one else.

That biological link between members of “one blood” can be comforting and aggravating at the same time. No one can make you feel like a little girl like Daddy, even as a grown woman. And only your little brother can push the right buttons that make you want to stuff him in the dryer. Aw, yes, the family. They may get under your skin in the worse way, but that’s only because you love them so much.

Still, we are human and we make mistakes. People say and do hurtful things, especially to a family member. Sometimes, the bond cracks. Soaps like Dallas showed just how deep that crack can get, to the point repair may seem improbable. The goal is to never reach that point. Random people come and go, but family is blood.

So how can we avoid those deep cracks between family members? By staying involved, learning from one another, and simply enjoying each other’s company! Here are a few tips:

Have a family tradition. It can be something that only the family does on a set basis, whether weekly, monthly, or yearly. Maybe you have movie night every Friday in the family room or a family reunion every year. Family get-togethers are great ways to stay connected and have fun with each other. 

Dinner together. Way too often, families disperse and do their own thing at dinner time. One person may eat in the den, while others may go to their bedroom or office. Having the entire family at the dinner table is a great way to catch up with each other, discuss current events, and have family discussions or debates.

Family that plays together. Take a trip to the park. Go on a hike and explore nature. Throw the football or baseball around. Ride bikes, from the parents on down to the 8-year-old. They say, “The family that plays together, stays together.” That statement holds a lot of truth.

Reading to your child. Experts have shown reading to a child develops a deeper relationship to the parent, influences better communication and basic speech skills, and makes reading fun well into adulthood.

Active involvement. In the pass-and-you’ll-miss-it world we live in, everyone’s busy. The schedule gets clogged up, and sometimes, we skip the important things. Staying involved helps strengthen the bond between family members. Attending PTA meetings, a game, or any other event important to that particular person shows you care and builds self-esteem.

Share duties. One person can’t do it all. Housework alone can be a full-time job, so everyone can help out. Taking turns washing the laundry, washing cars together, or doing yard work together can take the pressure off one person and can even be fun.

Show affection. No words are stronger than “I love you.” Showing affection to your closest loved ones reminds them how much you care and that they are extremely important in your life. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our own lives, we forget the people around us. We should always take care of number one, but we should also never neglect the ones we love the most. A “love you” and hug goes a long way. 

Date: 11/24/2012
Name: Donnell Hicks
Title: Appreciating Life on Thanksgiving Day

The holidays is a moment to reflect back on a year that was filled with happiness, laughter, pain, and suffering. It is a time we appreciate the little things we have in life such as family, a home, a job, being healthy throughout the year, having food on the table, and clothes on our backs. Most of all, the holidays is all about coming together in peace and harmony. A lot of people aren’t so fortunate to have a lot during the holidays for the apparent reason that they’re homeless, without a job, their homes have been burglarized or had lost a family member. This is the reason why we ought to give thanks all year around not just on one day. 

Personally, I’m truly blessed and thankful to the Almighty One that I have come to survive another year and have the battle scars to prove otherwise. Other than having a trying year, I can say without a shadow of doubt I have my health, a roof over my head, a job I go to every day and every night, money in my pocket, clothes on my back, a decent writing career, plus I’m alive to see the age of 26. 

There are some people who aren’t so lucky to see the age of 26. They’re either dead or turned 26 in prison unfortunate to celebrate their life outside with family and friends. For example, the residents in New Jersey who have been hit by Hurricane Sandy early in the month of November are grateful and blessed to live through the storm, whereas some people weren’t so lucky to survive the storm. 

This is why I pray every day and every night to the heavens; because I appreciate the little things I have here on earth that matter to me the most. I won’t ever look down on any man who is beneath me or another person who is in a state of despair. Indeed, people have different views on the true meaning of Thanksgiving and the holidays. It is about eating a huge feast or watching the football games on television. The truth behind Thanksgiving started with the Indians and Pilgrims who fled Europe and arrived to America. At first, the Indians and Pilgrims didn’t get along. Eventually, they came together in brotherhood and bonded over different cultures. 

The truce the Pilgrims and Indians put forth showed each and every last one of us three hundred years later that we should come together in peace, either with family or friends. It’s good to be thankful for the small things instead of the huge things in life, and to reflect back on our lives in one year. 

Although family sometimes gets on my nerves, deep down inside I’m very much thankful for seeing and loving my family. Yet, I won’t take anything for granted given the fact it will be taken away in a blink of an eye. Truth be told, another year or tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone.    

Date: August 20, 2012
Writer’s Name: Charlotte Marshall Templeman
Title: The Love of Family

   

One of the most beautiful creations made by God was the family. Family is an extension of who we are as individuals. When you think of the word family often times you get a feeling of warmth, love and happiness. It is our family who we can many times go to for support, a listening ear, a laugh or two or a peace of mind.  When families gather together for a good time we are able to see the root of who we are and where we come from. If a family is blessed to have older grandparents, we are also given the knowledge and history to our beginning. It is from those roots that we understand the family tree and what truly makes us family.
   

Although there are many families who are united by love and blood, there are some that are not. In order to have unified families there are several ingredients that have to go into making that happen.  They are faith, prayer, love, respect, communication, trust and support. These simple ingredients can mean the difference between a family that stands together and one that falls apart.


During slavery times, a huge strain was placed on the African American family. Women watched their husbands and children were sold to the highest bid, while husbands watched their wives being taken advantage of by the slave owners. Children were ripped from the arms of their parents, sold and never to be seen again. These were horrific times but through those atrocities the family remained intact. They were able to do so because of their faith. Faith was important because it allowed them to believe that a higher being was in control and could change their situation or get them through. Faith has always been the backbone of the family strength and it still is.

Prayer is another important ingredient because it goes hand in hand with faith. The ability to pray together as a family brings union. A family that prays together not only stays together, but they work together and are bonded by their spiritual belief.  Faith and prayer are what get families through the darkest hours they may be experiencing. It unites them as one, thus sealing the family bond.  

Love is just as important to the family unit. Love brings about understanding, patience and humility.  A family without love is like a plant without water; it cannot grow.  

Respect is vital to a unified family because it shows each family member that your differences, opinions and who you are are accepted without conditions.

Communication is pivotal to a strong family because it shows everyone has a voice. It also is the vessel to knowing what is going on with everyone, whether it is big or small. Effective communication is the key to any positive relationship.    

Trust shows that one can believe in you and what you say or do because of your actions. It is essential to a family. The ability to trust your family is key to a solid foundation as well.  Without trust the family can become stagnant. Supporting each other’s endeavors, ideas and dreams is what makes a family strong and unified. Knowing that your family is rooting for you the loudest in your cheering section can be the difference of how far you excel in life. It shows how much you are loved.
   

A family who exemplifies the ingredients stated above is a family that is solid. There will be obstacles, disagreements and arguments but if you are able to come together and discuss the differences, your relationship as a family will always be strong. The strength of the African American family has always been tested. We’ve been affected by slavery, but we overcame. We were affected by segregation, but we overcame. We were affected by Jim Crow laws, the civil rights movement and prejudice but we have always overcome.  We have endured hardships but as a unit we were able to fight them. A family united is hard to break and a family that is hard to break will always stand tall.
 

Date: 07/23/2012
Writer’s Name: Andrew J. Rainey      
 Title: Ways to Keep Your Family First
 









Ways to Keep Your Family First:

1. Make a dedication to your family and place of origin.
 
2. Live for the greater whole.
 
3. Learn true love in the school of the family.
 
4. Contribute your own family to the worldwide family of the human race.
 
5. Strive daily to put the spiritual above the physical.
 
6. Align with heaven to divide blessings on earth.
 
7. Be sexually untainted to create the true ethnicity.
 

Families are lost in the dream world of their TV sets and video games. Children are learning values and issues from TV and not from their own parents. The kids do not learn how to communicate with their parents, and will not learn to communicate with their mate later in life. Their marriage will end up in divorce and their kids will follow the same cycle as they did. Less religious influence, persistent underclass unemployment, and alternative lifestyles have contributed to the downfall of families and moral values.

Improving:

Spending time together doing family activities can promote unity and build relationships of trust amongst family members. This trust develops as a family works together, having common goals and values. These trusting family relationships can help families survive the tough times, as well as strengthen and support individual family members through their own personal struggles. The balance of independence and unity can be difficult to maintain. When family members behave without considering others in the family, it weakens the sense of relative unity, stability, and trust.
 



Another way to improve family unity and build trust is to plan and participate in regular family activities. Family members can strengthen relationships by spending one on one time together. Family dates are an excellent way to provide this special time. Planning a date not only reserves some time so that the activity is likely to take place, but it also gives the family members something to look forward to. Family dates help strengthen relationships within the family. Everybody likes to be noticed for the good things they do. If parents can learn to identify and strengthen the good things their children are doing, the kids will find more opportunities to be positive. The reason of this activity is to help parents reinforce positive behavior through praise by recognizing children for their good work.  




Ask each family member to tell the ways that they would like affection shown to them, or would like to show affection. Some members might like hugs, while others might like to give and receive affection through performing acts of service. It is important to find out how different family members like to receive affection. Otherwise, feelings might be hurt if you give affection and it is not appreciated. Signals might be crossed as you give affection the way you would like to receive it, but the other person does not know it. It is important to tell each member that you love him or her. This might be difficult to start with, but it can become easier with practice. Start with telling your family members that you love them as you are going somewhere, or at the end of a telephone discussion.

Date: 7-15-2012
Writer’s Name: S.F. Hardy
Title: Family is the bolt that keeps this nut together



    

Family is the bolt that keeps this nut together! Family, extended family, and friends are essential to my growth and continued development. If it were not for the relationships I share with them, I don’t think that I would be able to function in a positive manner. Really!




The glue that holds families together and the propeller that aide in their evolution varies from family to family. However, similarities in the family foundation can be viewed in each family unit. Reading together, traveling, preparing food and eating together, family outings, spiritual enrichment, educational support and enlightenment, and discussions on current debates are just a few means to spark and seize unity in the family




Reading together is one of the simplest but most influential ways any family can develop strong ties. “I was a young poor mother so I took my children to the library for entertainment. It was free and not only did we check out books to enjoy at home, we also participated in the many programs the library offered,” a very close friend share with me when we were in library school together. The benefits reading provides are endless and the bond it creates among the family unit collectively is intangible but heartfelt. Reading bedtime stories allows for laughter and questions. Once the routine is developed the reader as well as those being read to will appreciate the quality time spent forever.  I distinctively remember being at an elementary family read night where the principle spoke of her Puerto Rican parents who couldn’t read English but always picked up the local newspaper pretending to read in front of the children in a successful attempt to emphasize the importance of reading as well as spending quality time doing so.




Traveling, although not always affordable, is a great way to strengthen the family core. Whether one family visits relatives in another state or country or  a family journeys uncharted territory for fun and adventure travel opens many pathways to creating family unity. Just the other day, my family and I were stuck in several airports trying to reach our destination. Instead of looking at the situation as a hindrance we accepted the delay as a time to reflect on the positive aspects. This time forced us to ponder the situation and discuss reasons beyond us that we may have been delayed, leading into the next element of increasing the family unit.




When we didn’t make our original flight for reasons unbeknownst to us, instead of getting upset and frustrated we looked at one another and said it must not be meant for us to get on that plane. We believed that God had something else in store for us. Spiritual enrichment no matter one’s religious belief is imperative to the sustenance of the family. Faith in a higher power, when believed, will rescue the family from turmoil here on earth.



The saying, “A family that prays together stays together” is real. When the family openly discusses spirituality it provides for an open medium of understanding and togetherness.




One of my favorite ways to bond with my family is experiencing various cuisines together. It opens up dialog about the food and culture that has the potential to go on for hours. As a child our family placed great emphasis on sitting down and having dinner together, in the same room, at the same table. Dinnertime as a whole was great teaching moments for my mother to her children. During this time, we were taught how to cook and properly set the table. We also learned the proper way to sit at the table as young men and women. When I moved away from home, it was imperative that I purchase a dining room table. I knew it would be the center of my family and family gatherings for years to come. But most importantly, I wanted my family to come together at the end of our day and discuss what went on in our respective lives so that we can provide one another with insight and perpetuate our family bond.




Time spent together at the dining room table often leads to discussion and debates about current events taking place locally and abroad. These discussions are important because they provide a glimpse at what family members think and how they perceive issues that affect the community and the world. It also provides a means of deciphering how the family can be change agents and leaders of their respective communities.




Prescribed family outings to museums, festivals, parks, and recreation centers bring the family closer together as they interact and discuss the things they witness and experience at the aforementioned places. Not only does the family spend time together at the outings but they create memories that will be reminisced on for years following.




Last but certainly not least, educational support is one of the most important factors in developing and sustaining a family unity. From the time parents attend parent teacher conferences and parent teacher associations, to attending college graduations, the family bond is nurtured and can only flourish. Education has always been viewed as the ultimate avenue to success in the African-American community. Without education, we are deemed to fail. When the family comes together in support of educational goals and achievement the family bond is created serendipitously, amplifying the family unit where it cannot be removed or destroyed.

Date: 06/25/2012
Writer’s Name: Tyeisha Downer
Title:  It’s a Family Affair

“We are family. I have all my sisters with me. Get up everybody and sing.” This was the hook of Sister Sledge, a great group back in 1979. Another great hook was from Sly & the Family Stone, “Love is thicker than blood; can’t leave because the heart is there; it’s a family affair” (1971). Both of these hooks displayed the importance of unity in the family; if you don’t have family what else do you have?  In life all families have their disagreements, but at the end of the day we all have to come together to set aside our differences.



Very hard in most cases, but very possible, families have to have great attributes; being able to love unconditionally and accepting the bitter with the sweet is important. We all are made to disagree at some point, but being able to love unconditionally and being able to accept even the things we can’t change is vital to keeping family together. Communication is key to expressing what you’re feeling deep down inside. Most individuals haven’t been fortunate enough to read your minds, so you have to express every emotion that you’re feeling. How can one resolve a problem if no one knows what the problem is? Being able to trust can contribute to keeping family close, but in all reality let’s face it - not everyone is worthy enough to gain your trust. How do you deal with family when you can’t trust them?  The perfect answer is to forgive them. It’s hard for most to forgive, but if we search deep down within our souls we can forgive. Remember it’s ok to forgive and never forget; when your heart is sincere the rewards are greater in the end.


When is the last time that someone encouraged and supported your dreams? Just take time to reflect back on how important it would be to have someone support your dreams. In even what you felt was impossible, would you not be inspired? So start off with supporting your families’ dreams. Remember that it is always a family affair. Envision the big picture and try to lead by example in keeping your family encouraged. All you need is a little hope and faith beyond what any words could ever describe. Although it’s not easy to walk by faith and not by sight anything is possible if you dare to dream. Inspire your family to be all that they can be. Together you can achieve the impossible. When you find yourself like a rock in a hard place your family will remind you and help you remember that you are a diamond in a rough with unlimited shine even if you appear to be rusted worn and torn. You just need to be cared for and cleaned up a little because a diamond will always be a diamond even if the physical appearance doesn’t look appealing in the beginning.   Even a rose is considered to still be a rose after it has gone through its wilted state and your family will always remind you of just that. So keep your family close and remember that it is always a family affair.

Date: July 1, 2012
Writer’s Name: Danielle Taylor
Title: A Family that Prays Together Stays Together


There are many things that can increase the unity within the family. One of the most important things is prayer in the family unit. There’s this old saying “A family that prays together stays together.”


Keeping a clear line of communication open will also maintain a healthy dialog between one another in the family; and being honest about each others’ feelings, desires, hopes and dreams will be an effective method of doing so. Keep outsiders as such - people on the outside looking in. What goes on in your house should stay in your house.


Spending quality time together playing games, watching a movie, or a family vacation, are all ways to increase the bond of the unit. Members of the family should be allowed to be themselves and understand that each of us is made the way God wanted us to be. Lastly, over-stepping certain boundaries may also cause a breakdown in the family unit and should be highly discouraged.


Every family should support, encourage, and love one another unconditionally no matter what. At the end of the day, we can pick our friends but not family. I can remember a time, as a child, an idea of what the perfect family was; my vision of the perfect family was the “Cosby Show” - that was the ideal family. I’m pretty sure that there were many more who thought the same thing. The father Heathcliff Huxtable was the perfect father. He worked as a doctor, and he was a family man. Heathcliff was the support system for the family, emotionally, physically and financially. In today’s society the father isn’t present in the family unit. If we were to look at how the people of the Bible were, we would see that they indeed lived as a family, and family should be very precious to everyone. Although, The Huxtable’s is a fictional family one would hope and believe that somewhere down the line that this can really happen.

If we look at The Obama’s we can see that a healthy family does exist and they’re quiet young. Although I’m not sure what goes on behind closed doors, in the public, they are happy. Only one can imagine that The Obama’s pray as a family and individually, for their strength and courage on the walk they’re taking.


If we would spend less time fighting and more time loving one another we can build the family that we all desire to have. At the start of this article, there was mentioning of selecting the perfect family. If we had the opportunity to do so, how would we choose what we believe to be the perfect one? Naturally we choose to be with a family that we have no business being in from the start. God gave us the families we need and what He wanted us to have. Think about it like this, if it wasn’t for the families we have, we might not be the person that we are today. We have to thank God for the families we have; it’s a blessing to even have a family. We can actually have the family we desire if we just invest the time and energy into them.