Date: July 23, 2012       

Author: Norlita Brown   

Title: TAKE ME AT MY WORSE

If you were given the option to marry your spouse with a guarantee that it would always be for better, you would be hard pressed to find a divorce or a person who is unwilling to take someone’s hand in marriage. It is the ‘for worse’ that stumps everyone, that gives reason for pause as you walk the aisle to marry the man of your dreams or rather the man of your right now. She is the epitome of everything you hoped for as her beauty glides her the altar to meet you where you stand, yet your heart races at the thought of ‘for worse.’

Tell me that my spouse will keep money overflowing in the bank accounts, all the bills current, that I will never have to worry about a thing. Tell me they will have the home looking immaculate at all times and that nothing they ever do will ever get under my skin and I’m all in. The reverse of that is normally the reality. There will be times when money is short while the bills pile up, the home is in disarray, time isn’t well spent, and the things that irk your last nerve are the very things that your spouse insists on doing. Is it because they are purposely trying to disrupt your happily ever after? Most likely not, but this is how it would seem as you come home gritting your teeth at the possibility.

Divorce rates are high and they most likely will always be because divorce is the easy way out. The one who files for divorce will always believe that they’re motives are valid when many times most don’t put the effort to getting past the “for worse.” “Is this how I am expected to live the rest of my life?” the question is posed over and over rhetorically. Never once is either ever looking at the situations to determine a better solution.

Another point of fact in most marriages is the person you marry many times isn’t the person you met. It is rare that you will find a person to lay all their cards on the table when they meet someone. Who is going to go into a relationship admitting they don’t cook, they’re a slob or they mismanage money? Not many, because that prospect doesn’t look so appealing, yet many times this is the very person they are. They’re going to show you the person who dresses casually, keeps their hair crisp and on point and if you visit their apartment it will reflect a tidy and organized person. The aroma in the kitchen makes your toes curl and the taste makes your tongue do dances. The thought never crosses your mind that after the vows have been said and the agreement has been made, that now is the time when you will see your spouse fully exposed for the first time and it will make you question your decision of for better or for worse.

My first novel discusses this next point of fact in a very in your face perspective. Somebody Else’s Vows. Just as the title proposes, many times the people who are not in the marriage care more about the vows than the people who are in it. The fact that you have now uttered the words “I do” does not attach itself with a valve that says, “My attractions to other people are now turned to off.” It is how we handle the attractions both in and out of our marriage that make the difference. Readers of this work call the main character, Alyssa, self-absorbed and a plethora of other things that aren’t so nice. What they aren’t realizing is the point that I was trying to drive home so clear; Alyssa is honest. She tells her husband about her attraction to another man, now it is up to her and her husband to figure out what to do with this attraction. Why? Because she’s not in this alone, he is her oneness. The solution needs to come from both of them. He shouldn’t leave her to just “get over it.” If the decision was that simple there would be no need for this discussion. Many of us believe that attractions land in the man’s lap, that it is the male species who find it so difficult to focus on one relationship with one woman and remain that way for the rest of their life. I beg to differ, just as a lie doesn’t care who tells it, an attraction doesn’t care who owns it.

It is the make-up of the human body, yes. It is also a mindset that may or may not have a certain degree of control added to it. However, in a marriage that level of control should not be the responsibility of one person but both. Find out what made you attracted to the other person, many times it is not just a physical attraction which is what makes it so dangerous. The physical we can pull away from easier than the mental. You can give them their just due in the form of a compliment and continue on about your way, but if it’s mental it continues to drive your curiosity to them. Wondering about the possibilities of being with them then turns into something no one ever bargained for when they made their vows. Here is what I suggest, once you find out where your attraction lies, be open and honest with your spouse about it and find out whether or not they too can hold these same qualities. Pleasing one another should not be an option in marriage.

Marriage is a push-pull, two people working together for the same purpose, reaching the same goal, wanting and having mutual desires. When you begin to look at just the physical or just the things someone can add to your life, you start your marriage out on the wrong foot which is already leading down a path of destruction. Although marriage is a contract that has been said is becoming one that is easily broken, it shouldn’t have to be. It is my belief that divorce will decrease the moment that people open their eyes to the value of marriage and its original purpose. Love your spouse, but before you begin to pursue them for the better, take them at their worse.

Date: 7/22/2012   
Writer’s Name: S.F. Hardy       
Title: Embodied on the Inside Reflecting on the Outside


Self-esteem is an intangible element of one’s self embodied on the inside reflecting on the outside. Simply put, self-esteem is ones value for self. Dictionary.com defines self-esteem as: “A realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself.” Everyone possesses self-esteem whether it is high or low; although internal in nature, it is shaped by external influences that vary from one individual to another. Value of self will aide in the establishment of one’s path, dictating ones tolerance and outlook on life. A balanced self-esteem is warranted as too much esteem as well as very little, can both be destructive.   

The increasing number of suicides committed by young children should serve as a reminder to the importance of self-esteem building in the national community. Just as self-esteem is molded by external influences it is also torn down by such. Family, media, educational systems, and interaction with other children all shape children’s value of oneself.

“Go sit down fast tail girl,” Ms. Fisher yelled with a contorted face. The memory of my first grade performing arts teacher remains with me today. She almost broke my spirit, except I was surrounded by loved ones who had very positive offerings to offset Ms. Fisher’s negative ambivalence. I must admit, I was a very precocious young girl, but not without reason beyond my control. One, I was the youngest grandchild next to my brother, which meant I was always around adults, spending very little time with other children my age. But most significantly, at that time, I was being sexually molested by my maternal uncle causing me to act out in ways that was not becoming for a young lady.  Like Ms. Fisher, no one was aware what I was faced with at home, however, being an adult in a position to motivate and inspire, it would have been ideal for Ms. Fisher to attempt to determine the reasoning behind my behavior rather than break me down.

Rather than internalize Ms. Fisher’s negative underpinning, I learned indirectly how not to treat others. The summer of 2010 I had the great opportunity to student teach. As you can imagine, there were dozens of budding personalities in attendance, all special and unique. There was one young girl who stood out and it was not because she was pleasant. In fact, she was the exact opposite. While other staff whispered about the girl and her home life, I took it upon myself to develop a relationship with her. In doing so, I realized why she behaved the way she did. Although I didn’t condone it, I put myself in a position to help her change her behavior and attitude by talking with her and demonstrating behaviors different from what she was accustomed to. By the time summer school was over, the once unpleasant little girl had bloomed into a very personable young lady.


Although the building of self-esteem should begin at home it’s not realistic in this day and age to expect that it will in all cases. With more broken homes and less emphasis placed on family, media and the likes of music and music videos are replacing the human element of self-esteem building. With this, children, young girls in particular are taking what they see in videos from the images portrayed by the people in the videos as reality. When this reality cannot be met, the viewer’s self-esteem is affected negatively, ultimately leading to unhealthy self-destructive choices and behaviors. Misled children eventually become unguided adults who perpetuate unrealistic ideologies that affect the African-American community as a whole.

Programs underscoring the importance and development of self-esteem must be reinstated in schools. I remember the I Like Me contest, where children would draw pictures on how they perceived themselves. The illustrations were displayed in various public building throughout the city for all to view and learn from. This program was invaluable to the health and  self-esteem for inner city youth.


"If you empower women, you can change the world…” said Meg Ryan. Because women are natural born leaders, I believe it will take unity among us to build healthy well balanced self-esteem amongst girls and women in the African-American community. There are exercises, classes, web-sites and books that exist to aid in the development of self-esteem. First a common understanding must be realized in the weight self-esteem carries and then we have to all get involved in building the self-esteem of the youth and reversing unhealthy self-esteem of adults.

Each of us has a responsibility to endorse positive self-esteem if we are to see young women in our communities flourish to their full potential. Detroit authors, Sandra Epps author of Girl Power Discover the Princess Within and S.F. Hardy author of The Empress’ New Hair are making great strides to promote self-acceptance and self-esteem within their community.


Resources for developing positive self-esteem

http://sandyslandtips.blogspot.com/2012/01/8-girl-power-tips.html

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/self_esteem.html

http://www.doorway-to-self-esteem.com/self-esteem-affirmations.html

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/10-ways-to-instantly-build-self-confidence/

http://www.sandysland.com/

Date: July 23, 2012
Writer’s Name: Charlotte Templeman
Title: “For better, worse or DIVORCE!”

   

“The church was filled as she walked down the aisle in her white wedding gown. Her father walked proudly beside her as he led her to her future. She was excited as she got closer to the man she would vow to spend the rest of her life with. Unfortunately within three years of the marriage the once happy couple would be visiting a lawyer to file for divorce.”
   

Although the above scenario is fiction it is hundreds of married couples’ reality. Divorce, the last straw, the final walk of marriage. In today’s society the divorce rate continues to rise. We see daily on shows such as Entertainment Tonight and Extra where celebrities are marrying one day and literally divorcing the next. It’s as if there is no regard or respect for the institution of marriage. What is the reason for this? There are many factors that contribute to the divorce rate. Some are infidelity, finances, lack of communication, unemployment and expectations of your partner. Often times couples find themselves experiencing one or more of these issues and at some point it becomes too much to bear. For some the only way out is divorce.
   

When some people date they look at their level of commitment to the relationship differently than they would if they were married. Some feel because they do not have that legal piece of paper, if they cheat, do not work, or contribute financially, that it is acceptable. A person may accept that behavior but are not pleased with it. Although some may see these traits as a problem, they may still choose to marry thinking things will change. Unfortunately situations like this usually end in divorce because once married the expectations change for what your partner should be doing. The reality is things usually do not change and what you had before marriage you will have during marriage. Getting to know your partner as much as possible can alleviate some of the problems that one faces. Once married both parties expect that the wife and husband have certain responsibilities to the marriage. It is no longer a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship but now it is a Husband/Wife relationship. If one or both cannot handle the responsibilities of being husband or wife, they think divorce is the only option.
   

During the time when my parents and their friends were marrying, for better or worse meant just that.  When problems would arise they would endure them together and work to make it better. They understood that divorce was not an option but their commitment to one another and making it work was. Marriage meant something to them and it was taken seriously. So often today people get married for various reasons, some of which have nothing to do with love. People may get married for financial security, thinking they are in love, not wanting to lose the person or for the “idea of marriage.” The idea of marriage, especially for some women is being able to wear the gown, riding in the limousine, the elaborate reception and feeling like Cinderella. Most little girls dream of this day and long for it to come at any expense. That may mean marrying someone they really do not know just to be able to say “I’m married and this is my husband.”
   

The covenant of marriage is not one to be entered into lightly. It is a union. Some people think that union is just between man and woman, but it is not. The union is between God, man and woman. When two people stand at the altar in front of family and friends to confess their love to one another, they are also confessing their love to God. The vow of marriage is made to Him first, then the spouse.  Marriage at that time is a spiritual bond that is ordained by God. If couples truly believe that He is the center of their marriage, they understand that when problems arise, it is He they go to for guidance and not family and friends.  Taking your problems to God will not only strengthen the bond between the two but it will also strengthen their personal relationship with God.

Marriage is work. Just as we invest time in our jobs, our homes, our cars and other material things, we have to invest just as much time in making marriage work. When a person’s car breaks down they do not take it to the junk yard, instead they try to get it fixed. If something breaks in the home such as the water heater, a washer or dryer, the repair man is called to fix it. If we have problems on our job, we do not quit but instead we go to our boss to relay our concerns and hope for a resolution. Marriage is no different. When problems arise the first recourse should not be divorce. It should be praying, counseling and speaking to our partner about repairing what is broken.  Divorce does not have to be an option.  If true love is the heart of the relationship then there is hope for longevity in the marriage.   Marriage is one of the most beautiful gifts given to us by God and it is and can be the best investment one will make in their life.

Date: 07/23/2012
Writer’s Name: Andrew J. Rainey      
 Title: Ways to Keep Your Family First
 









Ways to Keep Your Family First:

1. Make a dedication to your family and place of origin.
 
2. Live for the greater whole.
 
3. Learn true love in the school of the family.
 
4. Contribute your own family to the worldwide family of the human race.
 
5. Strive daily to put the spiritual above the physical.
 
6. Align with heaven to divide blessings on earth.
 
7. Be sexually untainted to create the true ethnicity.
 

Families are lost in the dream world of their TV sets and video games. Children are learning values and issues from TV and not from their own parents. The kids do not learn how to communicate with their parents, and will not learn to communicate with their mate later in life. Their marriage will end up in divorce and their kids will follow the same cycle as they did. Less religious influence, persistent underclass unemployment, and alternative lifestyles have contributed to the downfall of families and moral values.

Improving:

Spending time together doing family activities can promote unity and build relationships of trust amongst family members. This trust develops as a family works together, having common goals and values. These trusting family relationships can help families survive the tough times, as well as strengthen and support individual family members through their own personal struggles. The balance of independence and unity can be difficult to maintain. When family members behave without considering others in the family, it weakens the sense of relative unity, stability, and trust.
 



Another way to improve family unity and build trust is to plan and participate in regular family activities. Family members can strengthen relationships by spending one on one time together. Family dates are an excellent way to provide this special time. Planning a date not only reserves some time so that the activity is likely to take place, but it also gives the family members something to look forward to. Family dates help strengthen relationships within the family. Everybody likes to be noticed for the good things they do. If parents can learn to identify and strengthen the good things their children are doing, the kids will find more opportunities to be positive. The reason of this activity is to help parents reinforce positive behavior through praise by recognizing children for their good work.  




Ask each family member to tell the ways that they would like affection shown to them, or would like to show affection. Some members might like hugs, while others might like to give and receive affection through performing acts of service. It is important to find out how different family members like to receive affection. Otherwise, feelings might be hurt if you give affection and it is not appreciated. Signals might be crossed as you give affection the way you would like to receive it, but the other person does not know it. It is important to tell each member that you love him or her. This might be difficult to start with, but it can become easier with practice. Start with telling your family members that you love them as you are going somewhere, or at the end of a telephone discussion.

Date: July 22, 2012
Writer’s Name:  Nanette Buchanan
Title: A Jewel is Different with Each Mold


As You Grow Old

As a diamond is amongst the gems, a jewel is different with each mold

You are shaping and perfecting, in beauty and knowledge, as you grow old

Your creation and birth the beginning of development in life’s rut;

Your formation everlasting evidence of your parent’s love and God’s blessed touch.

Life will sometimes question your mold, hoping you will accept defeat.

As a diamond of value continue striving until you become complete.

As your life brings you constant change; lessons for your mind body and soul.

Remember you are a diamond amongst the gems

A jewel, a beauty with direction and purpose

As you grow old.

Thoughts and Reflections Copyright 2010 Nanette M. Buchanan


For many generations the lifeline of a woman focused on everyone but who she may have had the desire to be.  History has told us that women, even today’s diva, has to fight, march, and petition for equal rights.  The role of a woman more often was that of a wife, mother, hand maid, nanny, caregiver, nurse, etc.  These roles ingrained in many cultures, what was expected, what was tolerated and what was allowed.  Women didn’t complain, dared not speak against, and became overly submissive to the traditions that held them enslaved.  Following the paths of the females in their families and communities they would comfort each other when overwhelmed and depressed.  Self-esteem took a back seat to the needs they were and are required to fill.




In the American culture, the ideology of becoming a wife and a mother was the dream of every young woman.  It was the fantasy, the fairytale and in other cultures this expected life was “prearranged” and fulfilled when the girl became of age.  The term, “You’ve come a long way baby,” a statement for a cigarette ad in the late sixties fits today’s woman.  The woman of years past had no idea who she was or who she was capable of becoming.  Women could only tell their daughters of the life they lived, the rules they followed, and at best how well they cooked, took care of the family and supported their spouse.  Girls were taught to hide their beauty, intelligence, and possibilities.  Being independent was frowned upon; being determined to achieve was considered abrasive and unlike a true woman.  These women who led the campaign for women’s rights, equality, and the right to discuss woman’s issues openly won.  Since that Virginia Slim cigarette commercial we have indeed progressed.  Throughout the United States women are treated fairly in jobs, are given educational opportunities, and we don’t have to marry the man chosen by our parents and family.  However, that doesn’t negate the fact that many of us, females of all ages have insecurity problems.  We are still in search of who we are and we can’t possibly know or understand who the generations behind us think they are.




From birth to puberty we promote the appearance of our “princesses.” We buy the latest fashion, care for their skin and hair, and photo after photo depicts what we focus on - what the public sees. It can be proven that by the time the princess is a “tween,” as puberty kicks in for the eleven or twelve year old, that she too is concerned about her external appearance.  Their value is more materialistic and they are determined to have it all, the best.  




Most of society views these young girls as fast.  The traditional young lady has vanished.  Morals, values, and self-respect should be taught long before the young lady can match fashion.  We’ve moved away from tradition.  Teaching our girls how to love themselves, and their bodies is imperative.  This lesson will bring value to who they are as well as promote self-respect.  Puberty brings about changes both physically and emotionally, and the new body creates new responsibilities.  These years require family support and a voice that most girls suppress hoping to be noticed and not ignored.  It is not popular to be different.  Unfortunately peers have a major influence on how teenagers present themselves.  If one’s self-skills have not been instilled prior to puberty a young women’s resources are limited.  




Who they are and who they will be must be determined as they toddle through the home.  Parenting, guidance, and love will promote a healthy mind and body.  Once in place the choices of dress, who they surround themselves with, and their dreams will be predetermined.  Building one’s self-esteem balances life’s scale of reality and fantasy.  




In today’s society there are more self-help books, counseling sessions, group therapy, and talk shows that focus on one getting in touch with who they are.  The best therapy is teaching what is and has been valued since the creation of women.  Women have a purpose.  This statement in itself stands firmly on ones understanding of their personal morals and self-respect.    From head to toe the outward appearance reflects time consuming care.  Caring or covering is the question.
Covering their outward beauty diminishes the internal beauty.  




The destruction of one’s self-esteem is as bad as them not recognizing its necessity.  It seems we’ve gone back one hundred years.  Women have allowed the people they love to walk over them crushing what they need to be stable.  Growing up in a dysfunctional home, one that lacks emotional support and love can deter a young girl from ever being satisfied with her self-worth. Being outcast by their peers and family, only promotes the cycle to continue.  When one values themselves based on how others treat them, negatives will cause a lack of trust and depression.  Abuse, both verbal and physical carries from relationship to relationship opening emotional wounds.  Only those who believe in who they are will survive.  The foundation of one’s survival, the strength to rise above the obstacles, lies within knowing who they are, what they want to be and what they value.  The greatest love of all is built on self-esteem.

Date: 07/19/2012
Writer’s Name: Dominique Wilkins
Title: God’s Will

Overcoming drugs and alcohol is a huge feat. More often than not, anyone who comes in contact with these vices, immediately fall victim to its power. They lose themselves and become, what is labeled as an Alkie, Drunk, Crackhead or Hype. None of which are terms of endearment. These labels are often given by non-drug and alcohol users who look down on these people as if they are beneath them because of their habit. There are two different types of them. They are labeled as ‘functioning’ and of course, ‘addicts.’ Those that are functioning, have these terrible habits, but are able to support themselves and conceal this from the world’s scrutiny. These people, strong enough to tame these vices, are able to continue to work to support themselves and their cravings, without having to let the world in on their secret. In my opinion, these people are handling their business as an adult and are not seen as a threat to the community or anyone else. They are your typical adults with a past time that choose to make a decision that may not be right or legal, but is not hurting anyone else.

On the other hand, the more extreme and popular of the two are stretched out and are hurting themselves and their families. They cannot get or hold a job, even if they could past the drug test. They will do anything to anyone in an attempt to regain that initial high that they first felt when they were introduced to it. They walk around in a trance, motivated only by the first high that they chase religiously. Their appearance screams to even a blind man, the loss of their ability to care about hygiene or their surroundings. All relationships from their normal lives have been severed, for there is no loyalty amongst them, when you stand between them and their high. Many are lost in this satanic world, but few make it out and live to tell the story…

My friend Kenny Emmanuel Sr. shared his story with me. He told me how as a youth, in the south, his mother had given him and his siblings liquor in hopes that they would become so sick from it, they would never forget about its horrific taste and aftermath; so when they became of age, they would not dare touch it. This did in fact work. Just not on Kenny. It worked on both his brother and sister successfully. Kenny on the other hand, enjoyed the taste of it, as it did the electric slide down his throat. He was so impressed by it, that he would go back for more. When he returned for more, he incorporated cigarettes into his diet as well. Now that the party had started, when a band member in his freshman year was kind enough to share his marijuana joint with him, he felt comfortable accepting it. He was never known to be an ungrateful man. He gladly added this “weed” to his list of things to do. In his later years, now in the early 1970’s, he had joined the military, where “acid trips,” “speed,” and “hash smoking” became just another notch under his belt. As most other military men, he came out as a capable asset to the world. He learned roofing, carpentry and electrical wiring in his travels and exposure. He was the man with the golden hands. These golden hands could set fire to all that they touched. So, with these capabilities, also came the money. It flowed freely.

Eventually, he went out as a freelance roofer. He recalls paying a friend to aid him on completing a job and offered to drop him off at home after handsomely compensating him for his contributions. Before arriving at their destination, this friend suggested a stop. Kenny, a military man and a friend first, had no problem with this request -in view of the fact that Kenny rarely left the house without his 9mm.  At the stop, the friend asked the doorman for a “quarter bag,” while Kenny looked on. Kenny, looking forward to unwinding after a long day’s work, decided also to make an investment in this nice gentleman’s product. The doorman excused himself and came back with his keys to unlock the bars and allow them entry. Once inside the nice place, it was plain that they had interrupted him while he was in the middle of a phone call, he weighed and packaged his product. While on pause, the nice man decided to share with them some of the good stuff. He did something with the pile he had on the mirror, then he put it in this glass pipe for them to smoke and share. Like before with the liquor dancing down his throat, he enjoyed the smoke that took over his lungs!

This time Kenny did not just smoke it, but he perfected it. He dated it and courted it, until he learned its secrets. Soon he had become the master chef. He was cooking it for all to enjoy. They came from far and wide with their coke for Chef Kenny to cook. Kenny was in seventh heaven! Everyone knows the cook eats first! Always get his off the top first. He’d supply the girl (Coke) and the boy (Heroine), as it was affectionately called on the streets.

Kenny knew that this was not his world. He, unlike the others could see himself becoming lost in it. He also knew that it was not as easy to get out as it was to get in. Many times, he said that he was out and walking away from it, just as many times as he would come back to it. Kenny came to the realization that he needed help. He HAD to get out and could not do it on his own. He prayed and prayed for deliverance. God did not come when Kenny wanted him to. Kenny was caught up in this world for 19 years. God came when Kenny needed him. He touched his heart and overnight, Kenny found the strength to leave that world, cold turkey never to return. No 12 step program or group intervention. Only God was the answer and the key! As a test, 9 months later, he was tested with a taste and found out it did not taste good. It was bad. In fact, it left a nasty residue.

Today, Kenny is known as Minister Kenneth Emmanuel Sr. Today, if he sees any drugs, he disposes them before another one falls into its clutches. Minister Kenneth Emmanuel Sr. is a successful radio show host with a large racially diverse radio show on www.freedomizerradio.com. His Sabbath show can be heard weekly @ 2pm-4pm cst  on both Saturdays and Tuesdays and 12:30 2 pm cst on Sundays. Tune in and allow your ears to enjoy one of God’s miracles! And enjoy the message while you are there!! The Minister wishes us all peace and blessings to our homes!

Date: July 18 2012

Writer’s Name: Todney Harris

Title: The Pot Calling the Kettle Black

Recently, President Obama stated his opinion regarding same sex marriages publicly. Before I start to speak about my opinions regarding his statements, I want to say for the record that I do not oppose civil unions between gay men and lesbian women. My reason for taking this stance is due to the fact that I am approaching the subject as a taxpayer and a citizen. I think that the issue of same sex marriages should be looked upon as a political issue and not as a religious issue. Case in point, couples need a marriage license in order to wed don’t they? As couples decide to separate and divorce, they need to contract lawyers and get approval from a judge in order to make the divorce official right? As far as I am concerned, marriage is a legal enterprise that is recognized by the state. Pastors and other church clergy just make the ceremony official by conducting the service in a church, synagogue or mosque. The reason why states consider marriages legal entities is due to the fact that each spouse is responsible for taxes and debt that they collect while married.

The second issue that I feel is of the utmost importance is that same sex marriages are legal in nine states thus far. I have not heard any citizens or church clergy turning against the Governors. The governors had to sign the bill into law which recognizes civil same sex unions. Where is the backlash for their actions? Hmmm…..I wonder does the fact that President Obama is an African American male have anything to do with the national backlash that is happening? Furthermore, since I feel that same sex marriages are a political issue, why are the religious institutions making a huge issue at this particular time? Most importantly, the religious institutions are politicizing the issue! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! Once again my point is being proven. If this were not an election year, I feel that the religious institutions would not take this current stance. It seems that people are out to take shots at President Obama whenever they can.

All I can say is that I am really annoyed with the African American churches. As far as I am concerned, this is an act of betrayal. Why are the pastors speaking out against the civil unions on CNN? Why didn’t they speak out when the Governors legalized same sex marriages? The Constitution states that every person is entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The Constitution also states that citizens cannot be denied of the right to life and property. Therefore, gay men and lesbian women should be afforded the right to engage in civil union. Most of them have been engaged in civil unions for years. Why all of a sudden are clergy acting as if by granting them legality that civil unions will increase? In reality, the official recognition is just already giving them the legal status that they have been seeking. Hell, they deserve the right to be miserable just like everyone else in a long term relationship! No, just kidding! All I am saying is that it is what it is. We need to stop acting like this is something new. It isn’t. The President isn’t going to stop gay and lesbian relationships if he endorses them or not. Get over the nonsense and let the issue work itself out on its own.

Date: July 17, 2012

Name: Tamyara Brown

Title: You are Stronger than you think you are!


I sat in the doctor's chair telling her my grief

Sharing my fears of this strife in my life

I felt weak and less of a woman

Every woman I knew was strong as a rock

They could handle raising a family of six

They could handle dealing with a son who was sick

Chemo treatments and a bald head

They make strides with Breast Cancer

It's okay I can handle anything

I can stand the rain

That’s what she told the woman in the mirror

The man she loved was sentenced twelve years to life.

Now here I go alone again  

Stop complaining

Black women keep it inside

I was supposed to be made of my ancestor’s strength

Don't I dare die and fall apart

Four years ago that's how the woman in the mirror felt

She wanted to quit and let the feeling conquer her

Lying in the bed not wanting to get up

She had no time to be sad

 The woman in the mirror looks just like

ME

She had a family to take care of

 She had a job to go to

Her room is a mess

It's a reflection of how she feels inside

She had doctor appointments to attend

She wore sweat pants and a raggedy ponytail

 A fake smile plastered on her face.

It's a reflection of myself

She told crude jokes about herself trying to laugh only to cry

She was so unhappy with herself

She didn't sleep

She didn't talk to friends turning off her phone

She finally went and got help when she cried

All day while no one was home

And she couldn't stop

She sat in her doctor's chair and she said

You’re depressed.

The woman in the mirror felt as if she was a failure

She felt embarrassed that on top of everything else

She suffered from Depression

Black women don't melt when the going gets tough

We stand strong and solid

Yet at night she cried for hours in the mirror

After awhile all she wanted to do was rest

Didn't even want to get dressed

It was clear Tamyara was stressed

But never in a million years did I think it would affect me

I knew what going through hell felt like

I handled it all too well or

Did I?

I went for twelve weeks singing my Blues

I vented

I cursed

After the twelfth week

I felt so much better.

I needed to free the hurt in me

Needed to talk without judgment

Or interruption

Needed to say what I felt without

Drama

Needed that hour not to be

Mama

And

Everything to every one

When I released

I wrote again

When I released

I sat myself free

When I released

The woman in the mirror

Could find beauty in her eyes

“Tamyara P. Brown get out of the bed and fight. You are a fighter. I will not let you just lie down and die. Now you have the power to make it happen. Your journey is not over yet. You are stronger than you think you are.”

Tears streamed down my face, my heart heavy with pain as the bottle of pills sat next to me I was thinking of doing the unthinkable. I planned on ending my life because in my mind I thought my children where better without me. Life had beaten me down with my son being ill and losing my job. Every day it seemed as if something was happening causing me to sink deeper into depression.

I sat in the same room for two days refusing to come out because I was re-evaluating my life and with each hour drifting deeper into my blues of feeling inadequate. I felt like I could not get out of bed and face another day. It seemed as if I was speaking and the world couldn’t hear me and I was invisible. Everyone seemed too busy, or didn’t want to hear my blues. I felt as if no one understood what it was like to be different, to be lonely with a house full of children, dealing with a sick son and the lost of feeling unworthy to live. Yet, I had not shared with anyone the pain I was feeling. It was weighing me down and it was when I got the biggest surprise on the night I planned to end it all and it made me become a witness that God is amazing.

A voice entered the dark room first calling my name and for a moment I refused to answer because I was not only sad but also angry with everyone including myself.  The voice called out again,

“Tamyara Pamela Brown. You are stronger than you can ever imagine. All you ever endured… You’re so close to the blessings God is going to shower you with. Please pray with me and you will feel better.”

“I don’t want to. Please just leave me alone, I’m tired I need rest and tomorrow it will be all over. Tell me why life had to always be hard for me, huh? Why is my life a mess and not filled with success? So many of my friends are two steps ahead of me and look at me a mess. I pray I’m as good as I can be to people, I work hard and am caring. God why can’t you give me a break?”

A light illuminated my room and a man dressed in white walked towards me and touched my hand. I was startled and overwhelmed because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  He kneeled beside me and recited the Lord’s Prayer and I too began to pray with him. An instant calm came over me. In the moment he appeared he had disappeared again. I could have been dreaming but it gave me the strength to push forward. I got out of the bed and restored my faith in life; though this process didn’t happen overnight. I got out the bed, opened my blinds and took a shower. I felt the sun shine on my face; I prayed and let God restore my faith in life and myself.

We are faced every day with difficulties; some we breeze through and we go on about our business. Some difficulties can knock us out and over but that does not mean to give up. I guess I am a fighter in every aspect of the word because when I was down and the referee was counting me out, but I slowly rose at the number 8. Some have called me an unusual fool to take the blows life has thrown at me and find reason to smile. If they only knew how hard I fought to get to this place in my life where I have faith over fear. How I have just started to have faith in myself. If people knew how I cried and walk out the door the next day as if nothing ever happened. How I struggled to recognize my greatness and talents.

Some of our defining moments are rising out of mess and creating miracles when we think all is lost. Some of the challenges we face are to make us stronger, to give us a will to fight fear, fight depression and suicide. Never be ashamed to express your hurt. Get help if you need it. Seek counseling, and spiritual guidance. Lastly don't be afraid to ask for help.  If you or someone you love shows these signs listed below please don't be afraid to get them help. Depression is a serious disease.

© 2012 Tamyara Brown- Tamluvstowrite

Date: 7-15-2012
Writer’s Name: S.F. Hardy
Title: Family is the bolt that keeps this nut together



    

Family is the bolt that keeps this nut together! Family, extended family, and friends are essential to my growth and continued development. If it were not for the relationships I share with them, I don’t think that I would be able to function in a positive manner. Really!




The glue that holds families together and the propeller that aide in their evolution varies from family to family. However, similarities in the family foundation can be viewed in each family unit. Reading together, traveling, preparing food and eating together, family outings, spiritual enrichment, educational support and enlightenment, and discussions on current debates are just a few means to spark and seize unity in the family




Reading together is one of the simplest but most influential ways any family can develop strong ties. “I was a young poor mother so I took my children to the library for entertainment. It was free and not only did we check out books to enjoy at home, we also participated in the many programs the library offered,” a very close friend share with me when we were in library school together. The benefits reading provides are endless and the bond it creates among the family unit collectively is intangible but heartfelt. Reading bedtime stories allows for laughter and questions. Once the routine is developed the reader as well as those being read to will appreciate the quality time spent forever.  I distinctively remember being at an elementary family read night where the principle spoke of her Puerto Rican parents who couldn’t read English but always picked up the local newspaper pretending to read in front of the children in a successful attempt to emphasize the importance of reading as well as spending quality time doing so.




Traveling, although not always affordable, is a great way to strengthen the family core. Whether one family visits relatives in another state or country or  a family journeys uncharted territory for fun and adventure travel opens many pathways to creating family unity. Just the other day, my family and I were stuck in several airports trying to reach our destination. Instead of looking at the situation as a hindrance we accepted the delay as a time to reflect on the positive aspects. This time forced us to ponder the situation and discuss reasons beyond us that we may have been delayed, leading into the next element of increasing the family unit.




When we didn’t make our original flight for reasons unbeknownst to us, instead of getting upset and frustrated we looked at one another and said it must not be meant for us to get on that plane. We believed that God had something else in store for us. Spiritual enrichment no matter one’s religious belief is imperative to the sustenance of the family. Faith in a higher power, when believed, will rescue the family from turmoil here on earth.



The saying, “A family that prays together stays together” is real. When the family openly discusses spirituality it provides for an open medium of understanding and togetherness.




One of my favorite ways to bond with my family is experiencing various cuisines together. It opens up dialog about the food and culture that has the potential to go on for hours. As a child our family placed great emphasis on sitting down and having dinner together, in the same room, at the same table. Dinnertime as a whole was great teaching moments for my mother to her children. During this time, we were taught how to cook and properly set the table. We also learned the proper way to sit at the table as young men and women. When I moved away from home, it was imperative that I purchase a dining room table. I knew it would be the center of my family and family gatherings for years to come. But most importantly, I wanted my family to come together at the end of our day and discuss what went on in our respective lives so that we can provide one another with insight and perpetuate our family bond.




Time spent together at the dining room table often leads to discussion and debates about current events taking place locally and abroad. These discussions are important because they provide a glimpse at what family members think and how they perceive issues that affect the community and the world. It also provides a means of deciphering how the family can be change agents and leaders of their respective communities.




Prescribed family outings to museums, festivals, parks, and recreation centers bring the family closer together as they interact and discuss the things they witness and experience at the aforementioned places. Not only does the family spend time together at the outings but they create memories that will be reminisced on for years following.




Last but certainly not least, educational support is one of the most important factors in developing and sustaining a family unity. From the time parents attend parent teacher conferences and parent teacher associations, to attending college graduations, the family bond is nurtured and can only flourish. Education has always been viewed as the ultimate avenue to success in the African-American community. Without education, we are deemed to fail. When the family comes together in support of educational goals and achievement the family bond is created serendipitously, amplifying the family unit where it cannot be removed or destroyed.

Date:  July 16, 2012       

Author: Norlita Brown   

Title: Mind My Feelings

The belt was pressed tightly around my thorax. I didn’t know the medical term then, all I knew is that if I held on tight enough, soon it would be over. My eyes felt like they were bucking, my head seemed to be losing oxygen. I was nearing the finish line, though I was coherent enough to see my sisters come into the room and laugh at the spectacle before them. When they realized it was no laughing matter they ran for help. My mother’s friend ran up to our bedroom and immediately began prying my hands from the belt. He was strong but my will was stronger. I was determined to put an end to this tragedy. Life kept dishing me meals I wouldn’t serve to my worst enemy so now, I was dishing one back. No longer would anyone have me around to taunt, tease or ridicule. I refused to be the brunt of another joke gone wrong. Taking matters into my own hands also meant that I had succumbed to taking my life. Suicide was my only option. He was relentless, he wouldn’t stop. I suppose part of me didn’t want him to. Maybe I didn’t want to die. Maybe this wasn’t an attempt to lose my life but to save it. I gave in and loosened my hands from the belt. I had tried in so many ways to let them know that their words hurt; the pain was unbearable for me. I was a KID! For crying out loud, how much do you expect me to handle? How strong do you want me to be when all I hear is negative things? I have no friends, no family to show me they care. What do you want from me? My brain was screaming questions my mind didn’t have the strength to answer. I wanted to be happy, live a normal life, but they didn’t want me to have it. Not without changing who I was or who I wanted to be.

SUICIDE. Our children are taking their life in their own hands and calling it quits - giving up on life so soon. Then there are those who aren’t young and have decided now is the time. Why do we feel this way? Yes, I said we. I have been where they are. I have been where many are wishing to be. It’s not pretty; in fact it’s an ugly sight to behold. Suicide is what we’re not looking at; we are not trying to understand what could put someone in a mindset to want to end their life. How many tragedies must one suffer before they fold? Many strong-willed and determined people look down on those of us who attempt suicide or worse, succeed. But I must ask very honestly, have you ever suffered what we have? Should there even be a comparison? If your shoulders are built to carry boulders and mine can barely hold pebbles, am I flawed? Isn’t that the very reason that suicide is so prevalent? The judgment of others.

There is a wonderful collection of poetry out right now where two young teenagers discuss an array of subjects but amongst them is suicide. They are talking about it in the thick of the moment. It is what our children are facing right now. Unspoken, Barely Written: A Teenage Torment is a must read. It can help so many teenagers understand that the problems they have are not theirs alone, but there are others who are enduring the very same thing. It can show them that there is another way out – to write about it and speak about it. Push forward to make change. Being silent, doing nothing or worse taking your life only allows the issues to fester for the next generation. Within this same book is a poem by Toni Hodges that is truly one of my favorites. She’s not discussing suicide within it but the depth of her words gives meaning and understanding to the things we take for granted.

 



They're just feelings:
My clumsy emotions falls out of their hiding place.
Disheveled scattered before you.
Stepping over them you say "they're just feelings"

Well, these feelings were once buried deep

in a place no one had yet to discover,
until you came and drained them in array
My soul crept out of its cave and shone a light on you
 A light you drowned with darkness
Uncontrollably I stumbled into your hands
But you let me fall along with these emotions
Now here I am gathering them in a pile
Attempting to find them a better home
While you repeat “They're just feelings"
 

~Toni

I thank God that I can now say that I’m stronger; that those thoughts left me in my teen years. But there are so many who are dealing with this tragic state daily. How can you help? First things first. As it has always been said, there is no better place to begin than with YOU. If, and I say if because it doesn’t apply to everyone, but if you are a person who uses others as your form of entertainment then stop it! By this I mean, are you looking at someone and ridiculing them publicly because they have decided to be different than you are? Embrace their need to identify with themselves uniquely; stop trying to box them into your identity. Watch how a person reacts and responds to your jokes, if they are quiet or give a look of hurt in any form then you may want to do something to counteract the pain you just caused because you have no idea what else they may be dealing with. So rather than becoming the last straw, make every effort to become the first step to their healing. If you are not the jokester but you see that someone is going through some things that are too tough for them to handle, elect to be their friend. Elect to give them hope. Elect to save a life. If you are someone in need of someone to talk to, you can reach out to me or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline by dialing (800) 273-TALK (8255).