Date:  March 28, 2013
Name:  Nanette Buchanan
Title: Reflections

“Mirror, mirror on the wall….” Checking our appearance is a part of our routine as we ready ourselves for the day. Standing before a mirror, we look for minor imperfections.

We think others will judge a blemish, pimple, or mole, changes that may reflect our age, the lack of sleep or stress. Our concern is how others see us. The opinion of others and the impression we will leave with them becomes our reason for change.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall….” If the mirror could truly speak, would it simply look at the face repeating the flaws day after day or delve into ones character. In the fairytale, Sleeping Beauty was the “fairest one of all’. She was beautiful, a princess to be, without physical imperfections. Her beauty was a gift. Her personality and appearance accented her natural beauty, beauty the mirror couldn’t ignore.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall…” We will change our style in clothing, make-up, diet, hair color and so much more hoping the mirror will yell, “Yes, that’s you!! You are the fairest one of all.” Do we seek to change who we really are? Beauty starts within. The foundation to our character or our personality begins within us. Confidence, self-esteem, motivation, determination are layers we must possess if we are to be truly beautiful. We must harbor love, respect, understanding, and forgiveness. Our spirits must be connected to; morals, values, and responsibilities. These qualities don’t align with appearances but are never unattractive. Checking our personality should be included as we primp and pose making sure no hair is out of place each day.  

We give that first impression attention hoping others will remember us by what they see. However, it is what they don’t see that will be on display as we become comfortable in our daily relationships. Comfort can bring out the worse…. and that’s what the mirror saw when comparing the witch to those in the land.

So what are the steps to checking ourselves, being sure we are “beautiful” when we check the mirror. Ask these questions. Answer them truthfully:

• What are the smudges or blemishes in your character? Are your flaws causing you to act or react negatively towards people? Being able to understand that the world is not against you is the first step to change a negative attitude. The energy you put out often ignites what you will receive in return. You can’t expect others to treat you well when you ignore extensions of courtesy or respect.

• What are some of the compliments others have made about you? Everyone wants to be recognized for what they know or do. However, assuming you deserve a compliment doesn’t mean you will be given one. Acknowledging your efforts should prompt you to build your character. Be sure to rise above accusations. Assuming you don’t get compliments because of jealousy or naysayers feeds your spirit negative roots. Yes, roots grow.

• Do you allow yourself to listen when others talk about your flaws? Don’t take everything to heart. You can learn a lot about the energy you emit by listening to what others feel about your actions. Listening does not mean you must change, but thinking about it, receiving their outlook may change your life forever. Your experiences in life make your life….. friendship and love is an experience.
• Do you change your appearance for yourself more than for others? Do you need to fit in? If so, why? Coming to your own is a lifetime effort. You have to love who you are for you before you please others.

• Does what others say about you bother you? You want to change for them, but it’s not who you are. Most of the time this is what we do for family. Regardless of their title, mother, father, best friend, sister you have to live happy with who you are for you. Loving yourself doesn’t mean secluding yourself. Through communication, understanding and respect from you and them your character will blossom.
• Do you ask others for their opinion about you and then ignore it? Seeking advice, you have to remember they are not living the life you are living.
• Are you looking to complete you? Find your passion. Let your fantasies, dreams and visions come to life.
• Do you know what it will take? Do a little research. You will be surprised how close you are to your dreams. Take the steps, don’t rush it, be thorough and complete yourself.
• Do you think that changing what others see in you will make a difference for you? Learning about yourself should be the ultimate goal. You will learn about yourself and others when you look through another set of eyes.  
• Do you truly believe that beauty begins within? Evaluate yourself; when you feel better about who you are, your health will change. Most of our illnesses are the result of how we feel about our lives. Stress, depression, lack of sleep, bad health habits lead to skin conditions and other minor flaws in our appearance.
• Do you think that you can mask the “ugly” or the “beauty” you possess? No one needs to know how you really feel. You can hide your feelings about others but how you feel about yourself shows in your character. Others see it and so do you. Look in the mirror.

Finding who we truly are or our purpose can’t be found in a make-up kit or by simply collecting the compliments made by others. It’s private, it’s personal. It’s that mirror, mirror moment and when you find what you are missing or should get rid of… it’s an “Aha” moment. Discovering the real you can have both a negative and positive affect on your life. You may lose friends or family, but you will gain self-skills that will last a lifetime. You can’t please everyone, so don’t try. When you connect with your inner spirit and remove the negative, your beauty will prevail.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?” You are.

Date: 02/10/2013
Title: Royal Queens
Name: Donnell Hicks

African-American women are precious gems. They are royal Egyptian queens, fierce battle warriors, and beautiful all around. Egyptian Queens have been considered the most influential women amongst other women.

Four thousand years later, the evolution of black women has constantly changed overtime. During the slavery era, some black women stood with valor while taking care of their children and themselves; especially in Hollywood films when black women weren’t even considered actresses.

A few black women starred in Hollywood films alongside Hollywood’s heavyweight actors. One prime example is Josephine Baker. She was the first black woman to ever star on television dancing in front of the cameras. Madame CJ Walker was the first black woman to ever become an entrepreneur; and Bess Coleman later became the first African-American woman to star in films during the twentieth century. These women along with other black women such as Lena Horne, Dorothy Dandridge, Zora Neal Hurston, and others broke down the barriers with their charm, beauty, and talents.

Young and old women right now today in the twenty-first century, don’t realize the importance of being a royal queen descending from a long powerful history of African-American women who have conquered white America at a time when the Jim Crow-era was in full effect. Truth be told, many young women simply don’t care about getting a decent education. Too many black women have struggled to maintain for black people, yet many young women don’t take good care of themselves and appreciate the sacrifices that have been made; they just think it’s all about the hairstyles, the makeup, and the tattoos.

Some young women do take to heart some of the struggles the women had to go through for equal rights starting with the right to vote led by Susan B. Anthony in the 1920’s. Influential women have paved a way for young women right now today not to sit around and expect a hand out, but to go out into the world and make a difference; and to become role models for their daughters and nieces seeing that Josephine Baker, Lena Horne, and Shirley Chisholm made a difference in America.

Evidently, young women and girls are precious jewels that look up to some female hip-hop and R&B artists like Nicki Minaj and Rhianna as role models. I’m not holding any hate towards Nicki Minaj and Rihanna or any other hip-hop and R&B artists; all I’m suggesting is that mothers must do everything in their power to let their daughters understand it is more to life than just watching video girls in the music videos dancing in front of the camera wearing skimpy outfits. Mothers have to tell their daughters that they’re royal queens, teach them self-confidence in their beauty, and inform them of the rich dynamic history of their royal queen ancestors, and that they too can make a change in society starting from within.  

12-24-12
By: Felecia
Williams
Title: What’s the big deal? Everyone else is wearing it!


 

Self- esteem is a process not a birthmark and just as it is built
up, it can wither away. Embracing our sisters and daughters and telling them
that things will get better is good reassurance, but we must first understand
what issues affect our teen girls and how we can help guide them in a better
direction.

Building good self-esteem is an important process that we must go through in life and maintaining it takes just as much effort. Having strong morals, believing in yourself, taking pride in your appearance and working hard towards your goals are things we work on instilling in our children. These things promote mental and physical well- being. This helps to reduce stress and depression which can cause major health issues. 

Adolescent girls struggle with all kinds of issues that can cause insecurities. They are motivated or discouraged by their peers, surroundings and the media. Triggers such as abuse (verbal, mental or physical) and being in and out of foster homes and divorce, can cause a decrease in a child’s esteem. Problems in school such as low grades, the inability to concentrate, bullies, social groups and clicks can alter a teen’s direction. TV and the internet also play a major part in what teen girls consider acceptable.  These things could either have a negative or positive influence in their
actions.

Many teen girls are insecure about themselves. For example a 12 year old girl who just moved to a new area and entering the 6thgrade will face many challenges. Being in a new area and trying to make friends at a new school can be a task in itself. But what if within the first week things were not turning out as great as her mom assured her? What if she was constantly being picked on and had yet to make any new friends or her grades started to drop? This may trigger changes in her actions. She may start complaining about going to school and eventually start skipping classes or maybe even school altogether. It might even cause her to act out at home or start socializing with other delinquent teens to fit in. Eventually this could lead her down a path of substance abuse among other things.

Another example starts with teen dating. At a young age girls are naive to the things that boys and even men will provoke them to doing, i.e. premarital sex. Often times you will hear of boys telling young girls that no one will ever want them or that they are not pretty enough, and you are lucky that at least I want you. Mental abuse is a major problem destroying a teen’s self-esteem. In many cases they don’t come directly and tell anyone. There are teens that need someone to step in, help, reassure and comfort. Each one of us needs to act as mentors, role models or maybe even just a reminder that young girls can continue on the right track. Our community needs to educate, relate to, and elevate our teens. They are the next mothers and fathers so let’s help them start off on the right track by letting them know that just because it’s on television or that everyone else is doing it or even that things are not going right does not mean they have to change. Encourage them to set standards and stick by them, to be their own person and instead of following the crowd, set a good example for others to follow their
lead.

Name:   Rosey Denise White
Title:   The Independent Woman: Curse or Blessing in Disguise?
Date: December 10, 2012

Some forget the strides women have made in life.  In earlier historic times, the only goal for women to attain was that of wife and mother.  Women could not freely own land, businesses, obtain college degrees, or become leaders in either the corporate or political world.  These things were unheard of back then, because the expected and allowed roles for every woman were that of matrimony and children.   Times have indeed changed.  Although society is continually evolving to include women in advanced capacities, and create opportunities outside of domestic areas, still today, the desire of becoming wife and mother permeate the hearts of many females.

Single childless women, particularly those over the age of thirty are often faced with questions of impending pregnancies and future husbands.  It’s almost as if the independence of women is not a worthy enough to dream to aspire in the worlds view.  Women however, are some of the most talented, powerful beings that exist. They are able to multi-task to perfection; capable of both partnering within a household and standing on her own two feet, if necessary.    A woman is able to be caretaker, companion, student, entrepreneur, lover, parent, and teacher all at once.  We have the mental fortitude and desire to get things done despite any challenge that might be present.  The essence of a woman’s beauty resides in her spirit.  She has the will and desire to succeed at any level.  Yet still, many women are not content without a mate or children.

The societal view of women can impact a female’s ability to dream beyond what is insisted upon her.  Independence is not a characteristic generally appreciated amongst females.  A self-sufficient woman walks according to her own beat and path.  Her future is determined by her own personal desires, even when they do not align with worldly expectations.   Although independence does not negate her want of companionship, her success is not strictly dependent upon it.  Mothers are beginning to teach their offspring the rewards of being able to go for self.  It is a blessing to be able to take care of yourself without being fully dependent on a man, but this is not a trait often appreciated by male counterparts.  The life any woman desires is within reach but may come at the expense of walking alone.  

Independence is a mindset of self-governing right.  Generally speaking, the movement of the world is based on need and fear.   If people are of the belief they don’t need another and that they don’t have to fear anyone, the very crust that society has been built upon is shaken.  Without overwhelming need or fear, power becomes far less formidable in the world and in relationships.

This is one reason why female independence is considered threatening for some. In companionship, both man and woman benefit from having a strong partner to walk beside as Queens and Kings.  Two committed persons are able to accomplish more together than apart.  However this is not always reality, which is the reason independence, has been birthed to so many women.    Female independence never eliminates need, it only accentuates human survival and what is required to endure.

Self confidence . . . the thing that allows us to step out and begin that lifelong dream.  The thing that tells us we are worthy of success.  The element that pushes the fear in our core deeper down so we actually do something that is new, different and completely unknown.  Self-confidence is the part of us that allows change, adventure and the development of goals. 

All of us stop short of what we really could accomplish because we doubt — doubt we can actually do something.  We think less of our abilities, less of our experiences, less of our education, and less of our accomplishments than others who view us.  We are blocked by our own opinion of ourselves.  It prevents us from thinking bigger and imagining greater things to try. 

Self-confidence is the key.  It is the key to moving on and not staying trapped on the treadmill.  It is the key to trying something we find challenging or different.  It is the element needed to step out of the boat and traveling beyond the confines of the structure. 

 How do we develop self-confidence?  Simply reflecting on something other than “me, myself, and I” is a start.  Focus on the other person, the goal ahead, the next step and the target rather than the path.  Enjoy the journey — even the road blocks and the dips.  Tackle the problems with enthusiasm because they make the end result that much more of an accomplishment.  The hard fought battle is more satisfying than the easy slide into success.  Self-confidence allows us to take each step with excitement rather than fear. 

We all enjoy reading a book, going to the movie, or watching the TV show because the people seem to have a much more adventurous life than our own.  The adventure happens because there is some type of conflict — a problem to deal with. Without conflict, life would be quite boring.  Conflict gives our own self confidence a much needed jolt and quite frankly, a more fulfilling life.  It pushes us to be a stronger person and brings joy when we get past that first hurdle and on toward the prize.  Self-confidence allows us to stand toe to toe with danger, the unknown, and fearful situations.  It allows us to live the book rather than just read it.  Self-confidence is a place we must consciously put our mind and body into because we want to be there.  We want to go beyond what we have right now.  So with your new found confidence, step out into the world with your head up and a prayer — it helps when taking the first big leap. 

Date: 11-6-2012   
Writer’s Name: S.F. Hardy
Title: Not Pure

Let’s talk about a topic that affects a small portion of the African-African community directly and the whole indirectly: multi-racial identity and how it affects the way one views him/herself. The Free Dictionary.com defines multi-racial as: “Having ancestors of several or various races.” This matter is relative to our Commander in Chief, President Obama as well as how we view ourselves in the African-American community.

For many Black Americans, it is an insult to precede the American with African. “I’m not African,” you will hear many of us claim. But those same individuals will criticize those of us who can directly point to our mixed heritage of Spanish, European, African and Indigenous ancestry. Boy are we confused and for those of us who have a bit of a clue, we are frowned upon yet and still.

Speaking from my own personal experiences as a bi-racial woman who grew up in the African-American community, I can be frank: I ain’t white enough to be accepted as such by the Caucasian community (not that I have or currently ever wanted to be) and I’m too brown to be accepted as such by the Black community, who has constantly reminded me that I’m Black but must be mixed with something because of my fair skin tone.

In the words of my late maternal grandmother who was from the South and the daughter of a sharecropper: “oh brother.”  My mother thought she would do her children a favor and save us from the horrors she experienced as a student in the Catholic School System; by giving birth to children with “light skin,” NOPE! Especially not growing up in Detroit where people are highly isolated by race and ethnicity. Various cultures dwell in the city true indeed but what is obvious is every group lives in their own enclave of the city.

So, while my mother and my experiences such as passing a paper bag test does not exactly parallel (unbelievably) my brother and my experiences, we definitely caught hell from both the Black and White communities. Like my aunt relating challenges of our childhood to being bi-racial. “You know they say bi-racial people have issues.” Yea we do and they start with people perpetuating an ignorant self-hating mentality and biased stereotypes. Society and their lack of understanding and unwillingness to try to understand or even think is “our” problem. Give me a break; none of us are of a pure race. Most of us cannot trace our ancestry to a specific tribe or clan and most of us are for some stupid reason ashamed of the African blood that flows through us. The only difference between myself, Tiger Woods, Jordan Sparks, and President Obama (since some of us like to think we are of an exclusive bloodline) is that we, “bi-racial folk,” are not so far removed from our ancestry that we can deny it and others will go out of their way to remind us of such!

Race, pure or otherwise, has and continues to be used by the puppet masters to drive wedges between people. Hopefully the ignorance will cease and more embracing of peoples mixed heritage will become more of the norm. I remain hopeful, especially when I read reports from media such as Huffington Post who reports “interracial marriage is on the rise,” according to Pew Research Center who “indicates that there has been a major jump in interracial marriage rates from 1980.”

I guess my point here is to drive home the importance of accepting people for who they are and not what is on the surface because as much as we are different we are very similar. We have to embrace ourselves and stop getting caught up in race and heritage to hurt and claim superiority over one another as we all are Gods creations. I really want people to sit and think about what is important in the grand scheme of things; and it ain’t the color of my skin! Only when you feed this type of thinking and behavior does it become a factor.

www.thefreedictionary.com/multiracial

htttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/16/interracial-marriage-stat_n_1280511.html

Date: 10/27/12
Writer’s Name: 0rnitha Danielle
Title: Sistah’s Please Remove Your Mask

This article is about my sisters and the many masks that are worn. There are many expressions known to man - from smiling, frowning, and even being surprised. When we’re hurt by other people, we throw up a wall of defense. Well, it’s the same way when we see people. We place on a mask and if we trust them enough we’ll let them see who we are as time goes on.

Funny thing is, we all need to spice up our appearance as things start to go south as we age. Here is where we don’t allow ourselves to be transparent - with our issues. It’s almost as if we are some type of puppet on a string, depending on the person that is around. Same thing with our voice - depending who we are talking to, it changes. Don’t fake the funk, we’ve all done it.

Take for instance when our phone rings. We look at the caller ID, then we sigh… but we still answer trying to pretend we’re asleep. Or how about when a bill collector calls and immediately we say “she’s not here” or “you have the wrong number.” There goes that mask! You know how it is when certain friends come around and they start talking and as they talk we look for the first escape route to end or level the conversation.

Been there before myself until I decided to GET REAL with myself and look behind what I was trying to cover up. Looking into the mirror that is on the wall, without all the glam, we see the real person underneath it all. Riddle me this or riddle me that, the scars of shame, hurt, broken-heartedness, this list could continue - these scars are all invisible to the naked eye. Don’t get me wrong some scars can be visible too, but these are the ones that can keep others from getting close to us. Honestly, I want to believe it’s not done on purpose but we’ve come so used to it, it’s like picking out your outfit to wear to work. Just as you go through tons of clothes hanging in your closet, we do the same with the mask too.

It doesn’t have to match what we wear at all. It matches the moods we’re in. Now, as many of us take along extra pairs of shoes for those of my sistha’s that roll in the heels, we have some flats for the tired puppies of ours or we may even have a pair of socks. Not everyone is fake but we need to really look at our image and realize that we can’t keep living a life not willing to become transparent enough where we can experience real friendship and real love.

Learn how to stick and stay long enough so that some of the layers of the mask will become loose so it will start to come off. Back to the different issues or flaws we try to hide. Ask yourselves these questions. Who am I hiding from? Why am I hiding? What reason am I hiding? Write all of your answers down then look at yourself in the mirror again and say what did I do to become this way? Shockingly it will amaze you what you’ll discover once you get real with the REAL YOU!

One would want to think that we are afraid to know the truth about who we are and what we are for the most part. We have the right to be happy, without placing up this façade in order to get along with others. For far too long now we can miss out on some really great things because of the masks that are worn. In my previous writings I always talk about biblical things, if I had to speak about this in those terms, I could say even while wearing these masks the true fact is we can’t hide anything from GOD.

He is the one that knows everything about us, why we do, say, feel and act the way we do. Time to get it together and face ourselves head on in the mirror for a moment - even if it feels uncomfortable. There’s no other way to do it, but to do it. Let me share this. For a long time I was afraid to face the fact of who I was and what I was becoming, I believe it hit me somewhere around the time I turned 30ish.

That LIGHTBULB went off in my brain a few times. Almost like the story Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the real you is the doctor and the masked you would be the Mr. Hyde. See we have two sides of who we are and what we would allow to become exposed. There’s nothing wrong with being cautious, however not at the cost of others. Wearing these mask can hurt others even ourselves for that matter.  Food for thought:  I hear so many people saying these days that they are keeping it real or keeping it 100! In order for that to take place we all as black women have to start with self first by removing the mask before we can start asking others to remove theirs don’t you think?

How can one say anything to the other about what they’re doing when they’re too blind to see that their mask is clouding their own judgment of what’s real and not.

Just take some time and do some real soul searching and see what you come up with. The answers may just shock you. I’m asking all my sistahs to please remove the mask so that you can enjoy every part of what life has to offer you regarding friendships, jobs, romance, health, peace, and happiness. Until this takes place we miss out on so much. Staying in this state of being, we have become the “TRICK OR A TREAT.”

For far too long we have been deceived by so much negativity around us that we forget what is fictional to us and what is real. Think, if we walked around this world actually wearing a real mask. I’m sure most of us would pick on that pretty face, when deep on the inside we are a ship wrecked looking like a horror creature. I’m just saying, when we feel a certain way, we look as how we feel on the inside.

Please understand I’m not trying to bash anyone; this is just an observation of mine, and I decided to explore it further. You just received the inside scoop to the first part of recovery. Intervention 101! You can do it; the hardest part is not understanding and realizing that there is a mask that needs to be removed. I’m just saying!!

Date: October 14, 2012
Writer’s Name: Lorraine Elzia
Title: Reminding Her That She Wears a Crown


By virtue of her birth she is a queen; yet often the royalty of her birthright is lost due to debilitating thoughts, remarks, and actions which demolish her self-worth. Who is she?  She’s your average African American teenage girl.

At a time when her body is changing, transforming from the framework of a child into that of a woman, she is also challenged with changes to the way she sees herself as well. Trying to find one’s self and establish an individual identity in the twenty-first century can be extremely hard for our young people.  For a teenage girl, she has the added pressure put upon her of measuring up to cultural expectations and current standards of society’s view of beauty which exists on a higher level for her than the one put upon her male counterpart.  In a world governed by constant images of standardized recognized beauty, coupled with a reliance on acceptance via social media, a girl’s self-esteem becomes prey to the definitions and labels of others. Often those definitions and labels cripple her self-esteem.

Suddenly that regal queen becomes a troubled, insecure, and emotionally empty young adult. Her emptiness should be our emptiness; because for each queen we lose due to her failure to live up to her potential, we, as a society, lose out on the gift she was supposed to give to the world, but didn’t, due to her own self-imposed doubt.  Her loss is our loss.

It is important therefore, that we take a more active role in cultivating our young females by helping them battle against low self-esteem so that they may blossom into that which they were created to become. We do that by recognizing and helping erase the very things that chip away at their confidence level.

One of the major predators to the way a young adult looks at herself begins with her appearance/self-image. While it is easy to dismiss this as being vain or shallow, it is very important because most teenagers, to some degree, are concerned with how they are viewed by others. Body shape, complexion, hair and physical traits all play a part in how a young adult is viewed by others and how she feels about herself because of those viewpoints. A low self-image can be difficult to overcome. Obsession with the outer package for a young adult can skew a girl’s view of the total package that she truly is. Instead of concerning herself with the content of her character, she devalues herself based upon skin that is too light or too dark; weight that is above or lower than the norm; a behind or breasts that are too big or too small; and other things that have nothing to do with who she is on the inside.

Another important factor that plays a role in self-esteem is one which has been heightened lately by the insurgence of social media into a teenager’s life. Anxiety about fitting in at school or with peers has always been a problem for young adults.  But with all the different venues available now due to modern technology, our young people not only engage in, but are expected to have an online presence outside of the normal walls of school or home.

Back in the day a teenager only had to worry about how they were viewed at family gatherings; during school hours and an occasional school-related event or two.  But now, they are expected to have a presence on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter just to name a few. Suddenly, the yard stick of measuring who they are as a person has grown, and her measurements are out in the open for all to see, comment on, and judge. The pressure is literally and figuratively on.  One wrong stroke of the keyboard, one bad hair day captured in a picture, or one wrong comment to a post, can all be triggers that catapult them into becoming a pariah; a state of existence of no return in the teenage mind.

It is important to recognize that teenagers need to feel valued and loved. If those two elements are not present in their lives, low self-esteem can be the result; and low teen self-esteem can lead to sexual activity which can result in teen pregnancy.  It becomes a trickle-down effect. The need to feel loved by another person can be so strong that it overrides common sense, leaving a young woman with a reputation for being promiscuous, or becoming a mother at an age when she is just a child herself.

With all the pressure that threatens a young woman’s belief about herself, one of the major dangers to her is the cloud of depression that can hang over her due to low self-esteem. Depression can stem from her feeling as though she is not good looking enough; not worthy enough; not loved enough; and just in general, not good enough. In some cases, teenagers who cannot overcome their feelings of hopelessness and low self-esteem may resort to suicide. Something as simple as physical imperfections, peer pressure, or feeling unloved; all of which are temporary states of mind, can detour our young women from their destiny.

A young woman’s self-esteem can easily be broken.  The challenges of life alone leave them ill equipped to instinctively fight back. But if the, “Village” takes the time to identify the sources, we can educate the child. We owe it to them and to ourselves. We need to help our young queens look past the obstacles, so that they can find their inner beauty; because that is where the real jewels of their worth reside.

Date:  October 8, 2012
Writers Name:  Rosey Denise White
Title: The Rewards of Loving Self

 

Self-esteem is not only vital to our health, it is the key to every door we open and enter throughout life.   Loving self if less about the words you speak and more about the actions you take.  The importance of true self love must be embedded at any early age, accompanied by strong morals, standards and ethical responsibilities.  The seeds of self-esteem are planted at birth and nurtured by our influences and beliefs throughout our lives.

Image is everything! It is often challenging getting teenagers to understand the importance of creating a positive self-image.  Many teens are consumed with the falsehoods of self-esteem, believing material gains are what establish self-worth.  The boys seek to imitate various popular music artists such as Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Lil Wayne and others.  They want to dress like them, talk like them, wear the same clothes as them and of course make lots of money like them.  A lot of attention is placed on these celebrities by our youth.  Many spend more time learning about this artist and that artist, than they do about themselves.

The young ladies are also heavily influenced by the social elite, mimicking Beyoncé and others in an attempt to enhance self-image.  Desiring to look like these women, dance like these women, or dress provocatively as some do, all in an effort to boost how they feel about themselves.  While there is nothing wrong with having affection for others, it is dangerous behavior having a higher regard of others than you do for self.  The jewels of self-confidence cannot be duplicated. They are indeed buried treasures found deep within.

There are many pressures that trouble our youth today.  The desire to fit in and be liked by others profoundly affects the self-image of all young people, in particular the female teenager.  Females experience different challenges than their male counterparts physically and emotionally. Menstruation is one example of a physical change that may negatively alter a girl’s self-esteem.   She may be uncomfortable with this new cycle of life and ill-equipped to handle these changes.  Perhaps she is unaware of how to care for her body during these times.  She may also be unsure of the physical and emotional adjustments that must be made.  A menstrual accident on her clothes at school may cause her to feel embarrassed or ashamed, especially in the presence of males.  These mistakes are bound to occur for many women, but for a teenage girl new to these experiences, the effects are more compelling.   Getting a grasp of these emotions could affect her self-esteem.

Sexuality is another life experience that could destroy a females self-worth.  The images portrayed on television do not necessarily reflect positive honest examples for our kids.  Males are generally attracted to the womanly images portrayed on T.V. and often desire female acquaintances that resemble similar attributes.  Although there are things that enhance feminine beauty, there are certain characteristics that cannot be altered.  For example, there is a perceived belief that light skinned women are more attractive. Consider the companions of many superstars, the women you seen on magazine covers and/or professional models; most are of light complexion.  A darker skinned female girl may feel inadequate about her own looks trying to compete with these standards.   This may leave her self-image of beauty diminished if not completely destroyed.

As parents, educators and concerned human beings, we all must do a better job of cultivating the importance of self-worth within our kids.  High-self-esteem weighs heavily on our thought processes and decision making skills.  When one feels good about themself, they are more likely to make wiser determinations about their life.  Teenagers who love themselves are equipped to make positive choices about the influences they consider.  They are able to formulate strong beliefs that will reward them by helping to make effective leaders for the future.

October 1, 2012
Charlotte Marshall Templeman
Black is Beautiful
   

When we think of beauty there are many images that come to mind. Some perceive beauty as having long hair, being skinny or even light skinned. Others may perceive beauty as having natural hair, thick lips, broad nose and big hips. Whatever our perception of beauty is we are all beautiful in God’s eye. However, for some beauty is defined by what the media says and what images they see daily. Whether those images come from television, magazines, movies or music videos, beauty definitely is viewed differently by many. When we think of the word black it usually is meant to have a negative connotation. Words such as blackmail, blackball, blacklist, a black cloud, and even the color black are meant to be all things negative. The black cat running across the street in front of you is supposed to mean evil so we try to stay clear of them. When we think of white it usually is meant to be positive. We are told growing up that little white lies are not too bad and that white signifies purity and goodness.  If that is constantly bombarded in our mind how do we change the way we see ourselves?
   

Recently on the Bill Cunningham show there was an African American young woman who desired to be white. She previously had bleached her skin and changed her name because she thought the name she was born with was too “ghetto.” She hated who she was and she despised other black people. Her family was fed up with her but there was one family member who chose to remain by her side. When asked by the talk show host why she hated who she was she began to explain how she was made to feel growing up while attending an all-white school. She felt ostracized by the students and teachers. As she grew up she began to feel that being white would be better for her. She felt she would be able to get a good job, a wonderful man and a beautiful home. In her mind, white was right and black was wrong. As I watched the show it brought tears to my eyes because I realized this woman did not wake up one day feeling this way. This was a result of the blatant and negative subliminal messages she experienced through the media or everyday life. Although the audience was upset with her I sympathized with her because she was a wounded individual with years of pain that resulted in her hating who she was. I knew that within the time constraints of the show she would not be miraculously changed but I prayed she would eventually get help.
   

There are many African Americans who feel the way the guest did. As a child I remember growing up being called blacky, tar baby, ugly and fat. Although I had a positive home environment and parents who loved me and instilled in me that I was beautiful, I still suffered from low self –esteem. I often wondered why I had to be born dark – skinned because in my mind it meant bad. By the grace of God, loving parents and family I was able to see that being black and the word black was not a negative thing but a positive thing. Unfortunately, there are many who have not been rescued from this prison of hate that they have sentenced themselves to.  So how are they saved?
   

Education is the key to knowledge and self –worth.  Reading is the gateway to freeing yourself from mental oppression while understanding those who came before us in the journey for equality is pivotal in how we love ourselves and treat others.  African Americans for hundreds of years were told they were not worthy, useless, less than human and not a valuable part of this country.  Although they were told these things the fight for justice continued. These things alone are what make us beautiful. Our tenacity, determination and willingness to go on in spite of the obstacles we have endured are one of the most attractive attributes to who we are. Black is beautiful and always will be. I am black and proud and I SCREAM it loud!